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Who Wants A Jet-Ski?


It's the dead of winter and everything's looking bleak.


James Wisniewski Educates Sean Avery in Proper Fellatio Technique

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Sean Avery, the undisputed most hated man in a hockey arena, was at his havoc wreaking best over the weekend when he 'snowed' Islanders goalie Rick DiPietro in a classic show of douchebaggery on par with most Enrique Iglesias music videos then proceeded to hightail it away from a fighting opportunity when he was challenged by Islanders defenseman James Wisniewski.


Pete Carroll Shows He Cares…By Scaring His Team S—less

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Newly minted Seattle Seahawk head coach Pete Carroll's never ending tour of trying to be the zany coach every player is supposed to love continued this week as he used the old parlor trick retirement home facilitators use to thin out the herd by putting a fake snake in a water cooler then videotaping the subsequent reactions.


Hanley Ramirez, Step Away From the Hair Bleach

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Hanley Ramirez thought he needed a change of mirror scenery.


Jay Mariotti is OUTTA HERE! (Indefinitely)

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Most of the blogosphere has been waiting with baited breath as we imagine a world where Jay Mariotti has no place to type or blather for our annoyance.


The Transformers Have Sold Out: Meet Hawktimus Prime


Apparently the artist formerly known as Optimus Prime is a fan of poorly thrown footballs because he's changed his allegiances from the protector of all humankind to the number one fan of the Seattle Seahawks.


Johnny Damon Spurns Sox To Stay With City That Most Resembles Current State of His Career

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It's been a confusing few days for the organizations who inexplicably want the services of outfielder/DH Johnny Damon, the 36-year-old former Red Sox star who has slowly morphed from a player who based his career on his ability to run into a player who's basing his career on the fact that he used to be able to run.


Jim Furyk DQ’d For Oversleeping, Throws Cell Phone Under the Bus

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Everybody's had those Rip Van Winkle days when we fade off to sleep forgetting to recharge our phone batteries and wake up to the realization that the Turkish immigrants you hired to dust your house for two bucks an hour have been banging on the screen door for almost half the day.


Dude Attempts Foul Ball Catch With Face, Fails

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Here's a man who should probably consider a future of boxed seating.


Shaq To Wed Former Flavor Flav ‘Flame’ Hoopz

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Shaquille O'Neal has rebounded from his wife of seven years Shaunie and I'm quite sure you recognize the name from the hours you've all spent poring over re-runs of VH1 reality shows of yore.


Yankees Don’t Understand Concept of ‘Quadruple Amputee'; Throw One a Pool Party

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The Yankees spend a week every year doing something called <a href="https://secure.mlb.com/nyy/community/hope_week_form.jsp">HOPE week</a>, where they spend a week trying to do good deeds for sad little children as part of a community outreach program to give back for being the most evil franchise in modern sporting history.


Skateboarding Priest Will Entertain You With Tricks And You Will Like It

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it's always a good moment when you're walking down the street and all of a sudden you see something crazy, like a walrus doing calisthenics or Adrien Brody and you stop yourself to think, "Well that's not really supposed to happen.


Money Ain’t Not No Thang For David Beckham’s Sister

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When your brother's the most famous soccer player in the world who can change the course of cool hair history with the swipe of a razor blade, 'EBT card' shouldn't even be in your vocabulary.


Michael Irvin Did the Dirty in His Hall of Fame Jacket

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If you're ever in the vicinity of Michael Irvin's belongings you should maybe not touch his hall of fame jacket.


Shakey’s Take On Brett Favre’s Crocs-manship

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Amidst all of the 'will he won't he' retirement rumors that we've seem to be encumbered with for the past millenia comes a hilariously disgusting story from the Daily Line's Jenn Sterger via the dick picture hotline that is Deadspin these days.


LA Times Coerces Another Athlete Into Dressing Like a Blithering Idiot


By now I'm sure you're probably quite informed about the incident when the Los Angeles Times made <a href="http://www.latimesmagazine.com/2010/05/kobe-white-hot.html">Kobe Bryant</a> look like a demon possessed Amish mime.


Germans Set Out On 500 KM Swim Accompanied By 7 Pet Ducks


All of your vacation stories about 'almost touching hot lava.


Weekend Picks: Move Over Mufasa, There’s A New Lion In Town And He’s A Dog


Welcome to Weekend Picks, where Shakey arbitrarily picks a handful of games and then demands that you watch them.


Learn Everything About Rick Pitino’s 15 Second Encounter With Karen Sypher

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As theĀ <a href="http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20100728/NEWS01/307280081/1002/sports/Rick+Pitino+testifies+rape+allegations+just+blackmail++says+Karen+Sypher+wanted+money">story goes</a>, Louisville coach Rick Pitino and serial hat wearer Karen Sypher met in a restaurant and quickly took their conversation to the bathroom stall where things started getting frisky.

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