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NBA Thanksgiving Comparisons

By 11.27.08
Dwight HowardDwight Howard will bring the stuffing

While Christian has compared NBA players with rappers, today I decided to compare them to the food traditionally served at Thanksgiving meals.

First and foremost, the turkey is the featured item on any Thanksgiving banquet table. Big, boisterous, and fulfilling from start to finish, the turkey is the King of the Feast. Throw in some stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie, and you’ve got yourself a Thanksgiving dinner.

Turkey – LeBron James
You gotta look at it this way: What’s Thanksgiving without turkey? If you were to wake up and LeBron James decided to stop playing basketball, the NBA might cease to exist. Between his 11-3 start and his 2010 destination, he’s the talk of the town and definitely the King of the Feast. As I said, to be the turkey you have to be big, boisterous, and fulfilling from start to finish. With the game on the line (other than Kobe or perhaps Paul Pierce) there’s no one I’d rather give the ball to.

Stuffing – Dwight Howard
If you checked Dwight Howard‘s birth certificate, it really could read Clark Kent. Superman is averaging a ridiculous 4.07 blocks per game and his opponents can tell you that they’re wary to bring the ball to the rim. The stuffing will be a plenty in Orlando all season long.

Mashed Potatoes – Zach Randolph
Just looking at the guy makes me think about mashed potatoes. He’s not the most athletic guy on the floor, and definitely not the leanest, but Z-Bo gets it done to the tune of 20.5 points and 12.5 rebounds a night.

Gravy – Chris Paul
When I think of gravy, I think of the smoothest guy on the court. A guy that is a great complementary player to guys like turkey and mashed potatoes. Put Chris Paul on your squad and he will not only get you shots where you want them (i.e. Tyson Chandler), but he’ll get you Ws as well. For a guy averaging 20.5 points and 12.2 assists, it’s all gravy.

Sweet Potatoes – Tayshaun Prince
Now if you’re gonna be sweet potatoes, you can’t be a star. Sure, there will be a couple guys that have you as their favorite dish on the table, but for the most part your game is slept on. You’re a constant, definitely a starter, but a No. 2 option at best and not even the best potato in the game. Keeping all of this in mind, Tayshaun Prince is a perfect fit. He’s dependable (hasn’t missed a game since his rookie year) and holds his own beneath the radar.

Cranberry Sauce – Robert Horry
A staple on any Thanksgiving table, cranberry sauce is often eaten in conjunction with turkey, and is rarely eaten or served in other contexts. This reminds me of Robert Horry. His jumper is sweet and you really will only see him play these days if his squad is in the playoffs.

Pumpkin Pie – Dwyane Wade
At the end of your meal, you really just want to sit back, relax and enjoy your dessert. For me, that’s Dwyane Wade. Named the Eastern Conference Player of the Week on Monday after he averaged 32.3 points, 9.7 assists, 4.3 rebounds and 3.3 blocks during a three-game stretch, Flash is back and putting on a show night in and night out.


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