10. Denver Nuggets (19-13)
Carmelo Anthony resolves to figure out where all these distracting trade rumors are coming from, since he obviously had nothing to do with them. Right around the same time O.J. finds the real killers.
9. Oklahoma City Thunder (23-12)
Russell Westbrook (21.9 ppg, 7.9 apg, 2.1 spg) resolves to somehow make the All-Star team without taking league MVP votes away from Kevin Durant.
8. Utah Jazz (23-11)
Gordon Hayward resolves to remind everyone why he was a Top-10 pick. After a quiet first couple months of the season (3.4 ppg), Hayward’s first game of 2011 saw him score 13 points off the bench and deliver a couple of poster dunks on the Grizzlies.
7. Dallas Mavericks (25-8)
Caron Butler resolves to perform knee surgery on himself. Without anesthetic. Just because he can.
6. Chicago Bulls (22-10)
Luol Deng resolves to make it impossible for his name to pop up in any trade rumors as the February deadline approaches. The Bulls, who are 13-2 in their last 15 games, wouldn’t be where they are without Deng, who is averaging 17.8 points and 6.1 rebounds.
5. Los Angeles Lakers (23-11)
Ron Artest resolves to call the experts from “Hoarders” for help clearing out his cluttered mind to relocate the confidence in his jump shot.
4. Boston Celtics (25-7)
Paul Pierce resolves to try something new and hit at least one game-winner going to his left. The C’s had lost three of their last four games before getting Rajon Rondo back in the lineup on Sunday.
3. Orlando Magic (21-12)
Brandon Bass resolves to extend his free-throw routine past 10 seconds to see if anybody notices or cares. After a four-game losing streak around the time of their two big trades, Orlando has since rolled off five wins in a row, including W’s over the Spurs and Celtics.
2. Miami Heat (26-9)
Chris Bosh resolves to make a sneaker commercial that somebody will remember. D-Wade has Kevin Hart and a James Bond theme; LeBron has Don Johnson and frosted donuts. Bosh will have to enlist Antoine Dodson and half-naked video vixens to make his mark. Miami has won 17 of their last 18, and the lone loss was by two points to the Mavericks.
1. San Antonio Spurs (29-4)
Tim Duncan resolves to continue muddling the arguments of people who expect elite athletes to go 110% at all times but also agree with aging superstars pacing themselves for the postseason. From Dec. 3 to Jan. 3, the Spurs have gone 14-1.