Let’s Hug It Out: Looking Back At The Past 8 Seasons Of Entourage

I remember begging my mom to get HBO. I was 14 at the time and all my friends at school had it. Entourage was in it’s first season and had completely taken over their lives. Personally, I thought HBO was a show. At school, anytime I heard the word “entourage,” I figured it was just being used to describe a group of people. I kept those thoughts to myself.

Lunch time was Entourage time at school. Or for me, what I liked to call, sit-there-and-pretend-you-know-what-the-hell-everyone-is-talking-about time. So, like any other sweaty, hormonal, 13-year-old kid, I sat there, like an idiot, and listened to last night’s tales of Vince, Drama Ari, Turtle and E. Everyday.

(Sitting at the table) What’s “E?” Is that a drug, or is “E” actually someone’s name? Is “Vince” on “E?” Maybe they’re all on “E?” And what the hell is “Turtle?” Is that a person? There’s no way that’s a person. How could someone name their child “Turtle? “Timmy?” “Here.” “Johnny?” “Here.” “Turtle–?. No way, has to be a pet. And isn’t “Drama” a genre? I hate this show.

I debated coming clean. Pulling back the curtain and unveiling my secret. The thought of finally getting some answers made me giddy. Oh how glorious it would have been – but I couldn’t do it. I was too invested. I had come too far to just give up now: “Wait, so–you’ve never actually seen the show…? Waaaaaaaay too far. I was like an undercover Fed infiltrating a prominent New York family – any suspicion whatsoever and I’d be at the bottom of the river with cinderblocks tied to my feet. That, and I’d look like a ninny.

So I stuck it out.

Then I started watching it at a friend’s house. Problem solved. Call me Helen Keller cause I’m a f—in’ miracle worker!

*** *** ***

This Sunday we say goodbye. And after eight years of f-bombs, supermodels, pot smoking and Lloyd, the time has finally come. The time to say farewell to a show of a generation. It’s impossible for me to sum up my feelings in one measly little paragraph, so I felt it only necessary to award my favorite moments from the show – eight years in the making.

Enjoy.

Best Turtle Outfit
Exclusive Fukijama sneakers, a customized “Turtle” chain, the Yankees hat, the Puma track suit…the list goes on and on. But only one outfit truly encapsulates Turtle: the bunny suit. In a bet between Vince and Drama to see who could get E and Turtle laid first, Vince takes E to the pool, and Drama takes Turtle to Craigslist. Turtle, completely and utterly humiliated, takes one for the team by dressing up in a bunny suit and meeting the Craigslist “furry.” Though Turtle backed out at the last minute, he proved his undying loyalty, no matter the circumstances. A true testament to his character in the show.

Best Drama One-Liner
“I’ve been working steady for the last 12 years, minus the last three.” I would have rather just left this one blank. Drama has a gold mine of one-liners and I feel I almost did him an injustice by anointing one greater than the others. I suck.

One more: “I’m a celebrity again bro…I could get laid at a funeral.”

I couldn’t help myself: “I nailed one of my directors of Melrose Place. That was the year they threw me off actually…”

VICTORRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best Ari Rant
“Do you want to destroy these people Ari? Do you? Do You?” “Okay yes. If I could gouge out Terrance McQuewick‘s eyeballs and eat them for what he did to me I would. And I would sell that Benedict Arnold Adam Davies into white slavery if we lived in a market that would allow it. AND LLOYD? That little queen! Who I welcomed into my home and allowed him to play with my children and care for my dog, for leaving me to work for those two scumbags, I would tie him up and would allow the entire Screen Actors Guild to anally rape him if not for the fact that I think he would enjoy it. I want, no, I need this company because it’s good business. It’s good god damn business. If I don’t buy this business someone else will, and that will be very, very bad for my business. And my wife of all people should know that when it comes to business my judgement is never clouded. So please support me and I will deliver us like I always have.” That needs to be engraved in stone.

Best Vince Movie
“Hey, are you ever coming back?” “Are you kidding, I am Queens Boulevard.” Vince’s indie, Queens Boulevard, was by far his most natural and organic film. Directed by Billy Walsh, Vince stars in this hometown biopic and absolutely crushes it. Once they receive word about a nationwide release and further it’s studio re-cut however, Walsh and Vin boycott the movie, saying what was done was artistic murder.

Best Movie Director
Verner Vollstedt. Without question the most eccentric and entertaining of all the directors. His harsh German accent, his dislike for Vince, his love for Jason Patric – Verner brought it and walks away with this year’s award. His best scene was busting into the John Ellis‘ office, guns blazing, spit firing. Screaming at the top of his lungs, “Izzzzzzz me or heeem, vun of us hazzzzzz to go!!!!!!!!!”

Best E Girlfriend
A bit of a boring award, but I had to incorporate Sloan somehow. Basically every guy’s dream girl; Sloan is gorgeous, smart, and successful. He father is the head one of the largest talent agencies in L.A., but she remains determined to make it own her own. Sloan has the ability to just be “one of the guys,” but can also be the girl that stops the music when she walks into a room. She has no problem just chilling, but never turns down an opportunity to go out. She can keep up in any “guy” conversation and often offers up her own opinions of certain male topics. In other words, the perfect girl.

Best NBA Cameo
Mr. 30-30 himself: Kevin Love. Not for his ability to act, but for his sheer number of appearances on the show. The Love Machine had not one, but two cameos in the drug-induced seventh season, most notably in the season finale at Eminem‘s party where he and Jordan Farmar help break up a fight between Vince and Slim Shady. Few athletes, if any, have made multiple appearances of the show, let alone in one season. Love’s volume of work propels him into legendary cameo history.

Favorite Moment
Season 1, Episode 4: Date Night. In my opinion the funniest moment in Entourage history.

Best Season
Season 3 without a doubt. A 20-episode season broken up into two separate parts, Season 3 delivers in every way possible. The season begins with Aquaman‘s immense box office success. The film shatters all previous records, totaling $166 million in sales. Vince then purses a passion project, Medellin, but encounters a schedule conflict with Aquaman 2. Drama lands his big break in the show “Five Towns” while Turtle works to manage Saigon, his up-and-coming rapping sensation. In the season finale of Part 1, Ari is fired by Vince after failing to get him Medellin. Part 2 begins with Amanda Daniels, Vince’s new agent, attempting to steer Vince away from his dream role. Vince fires Amanda, and at last, Ari comes through with Medellin. Vince re-hires Ari, and the project takes flight. Drama begins to gain notoriety in his hit show “Five Towns” while Sloan decides to move in with E.

This season had it all. Highs and lows, success and failure, a beautiful depiction of the struggles involved with making movie. We also begin to see each character take their first steps towards singular independence. Moving on from relying so heavily on Vince and his box office success, while still maintaining their brotherhood love for each other.

*** *** ***

Thank you Entourage, for letting a 13-year-old kid watch things he should have never seen at that age. Thank you Entourage for letting me hear the f-word on TV for the first time. And thank you Entourage for introducing us to Emmanuelle Chriqui. It’s been a long journey, and on Sunday, it will all come do an end. I will never forget you. You were the best.

What are your favorite memories from the show?

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