HOW TO SUBMIT: E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org with your question/story/idea and include your name and hometown.
Alas, the NBA season is upon us. And, finally, pertinent NBA questions may now enter the purview of the DimeBag. So flood the inbox with your musings, compatriots. Sadly, the short-lived NBA Fight of the Week has come to an end. No longer need we fill our minds with mindless thought experiments. Anyway, today’s installment will quantify the return of the NBA season, discuss jerseys and assess UNC and Kentucky â€“ among other things, of course. Let’s get to it.
John, North Carolina:
On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you that the NBA is back?
A 10 seems fitting for a basketball writer, no? But seriously, I don’t think numbers can capture my childish enthusiasm. Over Thanksgiving, I really needed printer ink. Because I chose to purchase a printer from a company not named Apple, my inferior machine requires one black and three color cartridges to get the thing to print in any color (including black). Even though I assumed nothing would be open Thanksgiving weekend, I drudged around anyway, aimlessly searching for any place that sells ink. Eventually I accidentally stumbled upon P.C. Richard & Son, which somehow was not only open late at night, but had the correct ink cartridges. But that would have been too perfect, so of course they had three of four cartridges. No magenta. What is that? A stupid cartridge of magenta ink stood between myself and printing domination. The guy helping me didn’t seem to empathize with my impossibly exasperating dilemma and continued his punch-deserving sprightly ways. But I was too exhausted to go to another store, so I demanded that he check in the back to see if there was any magenta left. At first he insisted there wasn’t. Really? You checked the magenta ink cartridge supply today? Finally he went, and, surprise! There was a magenta ink cartridge. Of course I reeked of smug satisfaction, but no matter. I won. All it took was a bit of extra prodding.
This story bears no relation to the lockout whatsoever, by the way. I just wanted to share. I guess if we’re playing the “let’s oversimplify the lockout with minimally accurate analogous statements” game, I was Billy Hunter, the P.C. Richard & Son employee was David Stern and the back room was the owners’ hidden sincerity towards getting a deal done. I think that works, kind of.