Epic College Coach Rant: “I’ve Been Telling My Wife This For Years. Size Doesn’t Matter.”

I loved my high school coach. Loved him to death. But I wasn’t the only player who ever called him a little crazy. He was a good crazy, in a way, and often his over-the-top antics got us juiced. It’s been a tactic coaches have used for years: get ejected, start a practice fight, light a fire… do anything you can to get your players to try a little harder, to work a little longer, to push a little further. Well, Southern Illinois’ head coach Barry Hinson went all in last night.

After watching his team lose its fourth consecutive game and eighth of the season Tuesday night at Murray State, Hinson dropped one of the most hilarious rants you’ll ever hear in sports. Including such gems as “I’ve been telling my wife this for years, size doesn’t matter” (1:18 mark), “My wife… my wife… can score more than two buckets on 11 shots because I know my wife will at least shot fake one time” (2:50 mark) and “There was a sniper in the gym. Didn’t you see that? We had guys falling down. We had a guy snipered at half-court. Two guys snipered at half-court. It was unbelievable. I would’ve thought Navy Seal Team 6 was out there” (3:50 mark), Hinson also called his players “mama’s boys” and compared his job to trying to house train a puppy dog.

Southern Illinois has lost four straight by single-digits, in part, at least in the coach’s eyes, because his players are tuning him out. He wants to work them harder, he said, and discipline them more often for screwing up, especially in practice. NCAA rules prevent him from taking advantage of some of his crazier practice ideas, but he’s still saying, “I’m not going to hit ’em. I’m not going to swat ’em, but bad dog, get on the treadmill.”

Damn. Some of the players weren’t too happy about it. Per Yahoo! Sports, forward Davante Drinkard tweeted “I can’t believe the little man had the nerve to call us mama’s boys. Smh. I guess this is where Our team learns to point the finger.” before later deleting it.

Hinson’s either lit a fire under his team or completely lost them. But either way, this rant won’t soon be forgotten.