Welcome to Hoop Dreams, a season preview unlike any other you’ll read before the 2016-17 season tips off. The premise is simple. We’ll be providing 30 of these fictional forays because it simply stinks that only one team can win the title each year. The list of contending teams seems to shrink with each campaign, and we wanted to provide something to those fans who only get to dream of Larry O’Brien during the offseason. Before October, every team can win the NBA title. Don’t believe us? Then keep reading. – Ed
The glaring weakness for the 2016-17 Houston Rockets was apparent on day one of training camp: while the roster was loaded with offensive talent, they would struggle on defense all year. Things got worse when defensive stalwart Patrick Beverly had to go on the shelf with a knee injury, and the Rockets were left with only one choice: simply outscore the opposition.
Loaded with firepower, the strategy worked on lesser opponents. Three-point barrages from James Harden, Eric Gordon, Ryan Anderson and burgeoning second-year man Sam Dekker were more than enough to topple teams like the Pistons, Lakers, Knicks, Kings, Nets and Pelicans in huge blowouts in the first two months of the season. However, when matched up against top tier teams like the Warriors, Cavaliers, Clippers, Blazers, and Raptors, the Rockets simply could not produce the late game stops necessary to pull out wins.
This created the odd circumstance in which they were 17-3 against teams under .500 and 1-14 against teams over .500 after a New Year’s Eve game against the Knicks. The Rockets were feasting on lesser opponents with their No. 2 ranked offense but simply could not match the upper echelon of the league. It was later that night at a raucous New Year’s Eve party at James Harden’s house — one that featured appearances from the entire Kardashian Klan and Kanye West and lit up TMZ and Snapchat — where the team finally made a breakthrough. The new strategic wrinkle that would make the Rockets true contenders for the title came from the strangest source: Kanye.
During an impromptu performance of his hit “N***as In Paris,” Ye got to the lyrics “Don’t let me get in my zone” and abruptly stopped his performance to begin a rant, and directed it right at head coach Mike D’Antoni. “That’s it,” a liquored-up Kanye screamed, “You need to get in your zone.” The revelation led to a meeting between Kanye and the Rockets brass the following morning where the media impresario presented a shockingly detailed powerpoint, later leaked to Adrian Wojnarowski, where he detailed complex zone defenses that he believed would shore up the Rockets defense and push them towards a championship.
While it seemed harebrained at first, he gradually won over D’Antoni and general manager Daryl Morey throughout the six-hour meeting and the team decided to implement the strategy. The new defense paid dividends immediately in the Rockets’ rout over the Wizards the next night, just their second win against an over-.500 team all season.
From there, Houston reeled off a 19-2 stretch that included wins over playoff teams the Celtics, Pacers, Grizzlies and the first double-digit win over the Warriors by any team all year. It was a gimmick, but one that was working as the Rockets surged into the playoffs with a surprising 3-seed. Harden just missed winning the MVP award (eventually claimed by Russell Westbrook and his gaudy stats), but the mid-season strategic change won Mike D’Antoni his second Coach of the Year award, which he promptly handed to Kanye at the award press conference.
A first round matchup with the Kings was a breeze for Houston, as their 1-3-1 zone hybrid made posting DeMarcus Cousins impossible, taking away the Kings’ best weapon. With Cousins’ brute strength nullified, the Kings simply did not have the scoring punch to keep up with Houston and lost in four games.
In the second round the Rockets faced off against the Timberwolves, who had shocked the Clippers by coming back from a 3-0 deficit to win the opening round series. The Wolves won an intense Game 7 in Staples Center on the back of Karl-Anthony Towns’ absurd 46 points, 19 rebounds, 7 assists, 9 blocks, and 4 steals. The comeback was enough to get Chris Paul to storm off the court with 65 seconds left in the game, refusing to shake any hands or congratulate anybody, including his teammates.
Despite that historic comeback, the Wolves were simply no match for the Rockets, as Harden averaged 36 points a game in the series and the Rockets hit 20 three-pointers every night on the way to a six-game victory. The final victory set up a Conference Finals series against the Warriors that many viewed as the de facto championship after the injury-plagued Cavs were upset in their own conference semifinal series against the Raptors.
After a humiliating 37-point loss to the Dubs on December 1st, the Rockets would go on to win the remaining three matchups, making them the only team to have a winning record against the high-powered Warriors in the regular season. Despite that, the Warriors went into the series the prohibitive favorites, and with Kevin Durant committing to playing “center” full time, Steve Kerr was free to use the vaunted “death” lineup almost endlessly, rendering them almost unstoppable.
The Rockets countered with a smaller lineup of their own, slotting improving third-year guard Tyler Ennis into the starting lineup with Harden, Gordon, Anderson and Trevor Ariza. The result was a record-breaking series, with each team shattering the record for three-point attempts and makes in a series. Both teams shot over 45 threes a game, and made over 20 per game, and everything culminated in a nail-biting Game 7 in Oakland.
It was there Harden dueled with his old teammate Durant as Steph Curry played the role of distributor, content to ride Durant’s hot streak into the finals. It wasn’t meant to be, though, as much like the 2016 Finals, the Warriors struggled to score down the stretch, missing all eight of their field goals in the last 4 minutes of the game. Harden, meanwhile, caught fire, scoring 9 points in the game’s final two minutes, including a dagger, euro-step and-1 layup under the reaching arm of Durant, sending the Rockets back to The Finals for the first time in 22 years.
The Finals were academic as the Charlotte Hornets met the Rockets, beneficiaries of the series of injuries that ultimately shaped the Eastern Conference playoffs. The Hornets weren’t the best team in the East as much as they were the healthiest. Harden won Finals MVP in a ho-hum series that gave the NBA the lowest Finals ratings since the 2005 Finals between the Spurs and the Pistons.
Present for the trophy presentation was none other than zone defense guru Kanye West, who outfitted the entire team in Yeezys, special edition Yeezy Season 5 championship distressed T-shirts and dad hats as “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” blared through the Spectrum Center speakers in Charlotte. He was oddly silent, but he knew, the 2016-17 NBA season was the year that he could truly say Yeezy had jumped over the Jumpman, as Michael Jordan himself watched Kanye kiss the Larry O’Brien trophy as his team sulked on their way to the locker room.
