“If the National Football League stands for the ‘No Fun League,’ the XFL will be the extra fun league.” That’s how WWE owner Vince McMahon tried to sell his failed football league in February of 2000, and while people still mostly remember the XFL as a joke, McMahon can at least take credit for that phrase’s longevity. Sixteen years later, as NFL players are scared of being fined for every and any gesture of excitement or joy, “No Fun League” is the battle cry of edgy hot takers, but the penalties and fines also have some players staring longingly at another league’s unbridled, hand-shaking party animals.
Washington Redskins defensive back DeAngelo Hall is the latest player to join the chorus of angst over the league’s strict rules on happiness, and he’s a little jealous of those high-paid NBA players who get to be as celebratory as they want.
“When I first came in this league, you could kind of be different,” Hall said during an appearance on ESPN. “You could do things. You could celebrate in the end zone. The [Terrell Owens] popcorn, signing balls, Joe Horn pulling out a cellphone. You could kind of do some of those things. But now, it’s definitely the no fun league.
“You know, I told one of these young guys, I’m like ‘I am so glad I’m on the way out, because I don’t have to deal with this stuff for too much longer,’ ” Hall went on. “Guys want to come out there and have fun. We are playing a game. I understand, everybody has bosses and we all have to kind of follow the rules. But this is a game, and we want to go out there, we want to have fun, we want to be entertaining. And it’s definitely different and frustrating when you see an NBA player be able to be himself and do sort of different things, and wear his socks a certain way, or wear different colored shoes. And you have us: shoes’ll cost you $5,000, socks not a certain height $5,000, face masks will get you thrown out the game until you change it. You know, it’s definitely tough. It’s frustrating, without a doubt.” (Via the Washington Post)
Steelers superstar Antonio Brown was fined in Week 1 for twerking (or “boomin'”) after a touchdown, and while he called the fine “Nothing to a boss,” he ended up paying $12,000 for the dance moves and another $9,000 for violating the league’s uniform rules with his custom shoes. Then, because he *clutches pearls* danced after scoring a touchdown, he had to apologize.
“I never want to put our team in a bad position,” Brown said. “Obviously, I’m not a guy trying to bring extra attention to myself. I think coach Tomlin and my teammates understand that. But I do get a little excited. It’s the NFL. I work hard all offseason. Anytime you score a touchdown you get a little excited. I definitely have to be smarter. I don’t want to put the team in a bad position, but I’m definitely going to be excited when I score a touchdown.” (Via the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)
The snowball rolled from there. By Week 4, ESPN reported, taunting calls had increased by a stunning 220 percent. Stars like Odell Beckham and Josh Norman have been flagged for various offenses, as the latter’s bow-and-arrow routine violated the NFL’s policy on ending “anything that mimics weaponry.” (Of course, as the New York Times points out, Saints receiver Brandin Cooks’ bow-and-arrow routine is fine, because it’s biblical.) Norman was also just hit with another $25,000 fine because he said an official “sucked.” So many rules.
Despite Brown’s punishment, Dean Blandino, the NFL’s senior vice president for officiating, swears dancing is okay. The NFL isn’t the town from Footloose — at least not yet — so Victor Cruz can salsa away and Travis Kelce can do his routine to his heart’s content. But once a second person gets in on the fun, it’s officially a party, and parties are bad.
“The salsa dance is fine,” Blandino said. “But then when his teammate comes and takes the Polaroid picture, that’s a choreographed demonstration.”
Blandino said he thought letting colorful celebrations slide could lead to a slippery slope. “Believe me, if we let this go it will continue to build and players will continue to try to outdo each other,” he said. ”It leads to altercations.” (Via the New York Times)
Altercations? Heavens to Betsy! I love that Blandino, who recently made no new friends with this bad tweet, is basically Michael Keaton’s janitor character from 30 Rock. Antonio Brown shook his ass a little? “People could have died. Or had fights.” Good thing we have heroes like Andrew Hawkins to set a better example for the young eyes out there.
For a second, we almost let people think sports are fun. What a chilling idea.
