What If Michael Vick Were…

08.26.11 6 years ago 35 Comments
Derrick Rose

Derrick Rose (photo. adidas)

What if Charles Barkley could be quiet? The world would end. The Chuckster may not be in NBA 2K12, but he’s still letting his voice be heard one way or another, mentioning on the “The Waddle & Silvy Show” on ESPN 1000 that he doesn’t think Derrick Rose should go overseas and play. Actually, Barkley doesn’t think any great player should do it. It’s too much of a risk, and the incentive to actually make a move like that isn’t large enough. Plus, they do things over there like cut off goat heads for good luck. That sounds troubling. Barkley isn’t telling everyone no; He almost encouraged younger guys who don’t have a lot of money at stake to head overseas. It’s just he thinks the elite of the NBA are making a huge mistake if they do … Speaking of the Bulls and Derrick Rose, Dwyane Wade reiterated what millions of people have already said or have been thinking for the past 10 months: the Bulls need a second offensive creator. We would make some suggestions, but it’s just that this is probably the 50th time this issue has come up. No team in the league has had a more talked about weakness than the Bulls’ starting two guard woes. No offense, Keith. Chicago didn’t make a move at the deadline (it came back to bite them). Will they finally man up and make something happen before the playoffs start this season? … Seriously though, who won the fight? Steve Blake or John Gilchrist? And why is it that everyone always laughs over stuff like this, saying “No basketball player can fight.” People, none of us can really fight. Unless of course, we are boxers, UFC fighters or something of the sort … Coming up in the new issue of ESPN the Magazine, there is another article on Michael Vick and the race issue. Even though it was forced, and kinda irrelevant at this point, the article wasn’t what received attention. When it was posted online yesterday with the headline “What if Michael Vick were white?” and a photoshopped picture of a person that was supposed to be a white Vick, all Hell broke loose. That wasn’t even the end of it. First, they took down the photoshopped picture and put in an actual one of Vick. Later in the afternoon, they made him white again. Make up your mind! … So Twitter turned into an all-out “What if?” frenzy. Some of our favorites: What if Michael Vick was an actual eagle?…What if David Stern were black?…What if Barry Bonds were white?…What if Alex Smith were good? What if Michael Vick…were made of BBQ spare ribs? And check out this tweet from @MDP23: White Mike Vick’s Madden speed is below 70 and he is now referred to as a “gritty” runner. Classic. White Mike Vick looked like a cross between Brian Austin Green from 90210 and Kenny Powers during the second season of Eastbound & Down … This is what Al Harrington does during the offseason: punch reporters in the face. He gets a pass though. With all of this free time, Harrington has been in the gym doing mixed martial arts … The NBA just doesn’t feel the same without DJ Mbenga. We miss him. Lakers fans undeniably miss him, and he’ll probably never make it back into the league. He was just cut from a Belgian national team that has little talent, and his go-to moves were described as “turnovers and missed layups.” Kevin Ding of the Orange County Register says his favorite Mbenga moments were when he conducted an interview in the locker room with a female reporter…who was sitting on his lap. Then, he also recalled a time Kobe Bryant spoke with Mbenga on the phone, and literally had no idea what the big man said … And Dwight Howard hired a man named Ed Palubinskas as his free throw shooting coach (he’s better known as the “Shooting Surgeon General”). Great to know Superman is working at it … We’re out like the white Mike Vick.

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