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Comic-Con Photo Diary, Part One

By / 07.23.11

“Hi! Uh… Can I take a picture of your boobs, I mean vagina, I mean costume?” -Comic Con in a nutshell
Whoa, it’s empty in here on weekends. That’s right, don’t adjust your monitor, I’m posting on a Saturday. I promise I won’t make a habit of it. It’s just that I’ve got so many photos from Comic-Con that I had to get a head start. Don’t worry, this is only the beginning. I’ll be back Monday with even more awesome cosplay and LARPing and pictures surreptitiously taken of girls’ butts. Haha, just kidding. …Or AM I?
People wonder if Comic-Con is just a giant convention where they’ve convinced people to pay to watch advertisements and trailers for films that will be online five minutes later. That’s a big part of it, the part that’s like a more-elaborate theater lobby, where you walk around looking at posters and glorified dioramas without actually seeing a movie. But the other part, the cool part, is the regular folk in their costumes (not the promo girls like in the banner pic, though they’re nice to look at). It’s pretty hard to be a cynical, jaded dick when you see how happy and earnest and adorable people are to be showing off their home-made costumes on the one day of the year where it’s encouraged. People will stop whatever they’re doing just to pose for a picture with a stranger, and seem to enjoy every minute of it. Just when I start to hate all the hype and marketing and people stepping on my feet, they always make me smile. Oh, and those girls in the banner pic were the Sushi Girls, whatever that means. And yes, they both had bikini-line tattoos. They did NOT enjoy it when I asked if they were scratch and sniff.

Screenjunkies took this one, he’ll probably be getting a Pulitzer. Comic-Con: Fun for the whole family, especially dad. “Now Timmy, don’t forget to tell your mom how good her nipples look.”
Here’s Annie, my friend Travis and Analis’ cat, who ignores me 100% of the time until the moment I try to do work. STOP F*CKING STARING AT ME, ANNIE! I TRIED TO PET YOU AN HOUR AGO, BUT OOOOH NO, YOU WERE JUST TOO F*CKING GOOD FOR ME THEN, WEREN’T YOU, YOU DUMB BITCH! ACT LIKE YOUR LITTER DON’T STINK AND YOUR TUMMY FUR’S MADE OF SUNSHINE AND CAVIAR! That cat is so stuck up, I swear.
It was nice of Judge Dredd to pose in front of Judge Dredd like that.
Star Wars clothes for girls! Haha, omg, you guys, I’m such a nerd.
Sucker Punch may not be a great movie, or a good movie, but that’s a cool prop.
I like that I can appreciate this without having been a victim of sexual abuse.
This guy was sitting next to me at the Captain America screening. There were a bunch of service people there, I think this guy might be an actual Marine.
Here’s the San Diego State Exotic Dance Team performing before the show.  But wait, how do they earn money for college if they’re already in college? I kid, I kid. Everyone knows San Diego State isn’t a real college. Anyway, the best part was all the snarky dicks behind me complaining about them the whole time. “I didn’t come here to watch bitches, I came here to see movies,” one guy said. Just imagine a theater full of Comic Book Guys from The Simpsons. Tough crowd.
Guy behind me: “Ugh, just start the movie already.”
“Okay girls, now you go out there and show these A-holes what dance is all about.”
Right after this, they started throwing t-shirts to the audience. One of the guys behind me yelled, “I enjoy items!” The sarcasm was palpable.
DOWN IN FRONT!
I walked down two rows and over five feet and THE SAME CHICK managed to block the picture again.
ZOMBIE SLUTS OF AMERICA.
Captain America watching Captain America part 2.
We pledge allegiance to… LASER EYES! MUAHAHAHAHA! (*murders everyone*)
Aw, look how hard they’re trying. Note the audience member watching with his arms folded.
Here’s the guy dressed as Captain America taking a picture of the guy who played Captain America in the Captain America movie we’re about to watch. That’s right, CHRIS EVANS IS HERE, OMG OMG OMG!
What, you don’t believe me that Chris Evans is in this picture? He is, and I have proof…
I bet this is the best picture of him anyone will take all week.
“This is the FIRST TIME anyone has seen this movie!” Which was a blatant lie, there were already reviews online by this point. STOP LYING, CAPTAIN AMERICA, YOU LIAR!
“People always tell me I look blurrier in person…”
Cosplay win. Nicely done, sir. Yes, those are trash cans attached to his feet.
Hard to walk in, yes, but you can’t let a little thing like that stand in the way of an awesome costume.
Harley Quinns one and two. Look, I’m just saying, any costume that includes an oversized mallet is alright in my book. —

That’s right, this dude is a huuuuge Twi-hard. He’s read every book twice, I bet.
Here’s Darkwing Duck and that other dude you guys will call me an idiot for not immediately recognizing. Solid costuming, in any case. And I promise, I didn’t even realize Wonder Woman’s butt was in the shot. Call it a bonus. —
Suck gas, evildoer! Dang, that should be my line. I had Pho the night before and was cropdusting this whole joint something fierce.

“Give me your best is-this-assh*le-really-taking-a-picture-of-me-face.  …Perfect.”

PIMPS.
I wonder what the over-under on secret closeups of these chicks’ butts taken in the course of the weekend is. Gotta be at least 100. The girl on the right kind of reminds me of Brooke Banner. …Not that I know my porn stars or anything…

Anime panties? YES, PREASE! “Excuse me, sir, have these panties actually been worn by that girl from the cartoons?”

Here’s a… a Borg, and, uh… Okay, I give up, I have no idea what these people are.

OMG OMG OMG, FRODO! This was at the Wilfred panel. I was actually disappointed at the utter lack of nerdy Lord of the Rings questions. Clean it up, Comic-Con.

Here’s the Australian dude who plays the dog. No one asked him how he got so tan, which was the question on my mind. He was strangely evasive. Not that most of the questions weren’t stupid, but still.
“Here’s the little Hobbit dance I like to do after I make a pee pee.”
YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT, WALTER SOBCHEK!

A bandelero filled with deodorant, now that’s a clever Comic-Con costume. Well done, guy. Some dandruff shampoo in a holster would’ve been a nice touch.
“Uh, I was into steam punk when it was still room-temperature water punk.”
I feel kind of bad about this one. I was zoomed way in trying to get a shot of his goggles around someone in the foreground, and when I came around a corner, I just sort of caught him in this split second when he was scratching his head. But I couldn’t not post a picture this awesome.  Sorry about that, Steampunk guy.

STEVEN SPIELBERG, STEVEN SPIELBERG! ZOMG!

“Mr. Spielberg, I’m such a huge fan. Do you think it would be possible for me to… maybe spit into your mouth like a baby bird? It’s always been my dream.”
“Of course you can spit in my mouth like a baby bird! Anything for my fans!”
They had a great chemistry, I thought.
This was at the Tintin panel, by the way. The performance-capture was done by the WETA team that worked on Avatar. It’s not quite “photoreal” I would say, but it still looks pretty damn good, or at least better than motion-capture has looked before. One of the only good things about 3D is that it actually does make motion-capture stuff look a lot less creepy. My only question is why they gave the characters real eyes instead of dots, like in the original Hergé drawings, especially when the stated goal of doing it in performance capture was to make it look like the drawings. And when eyes are the weirdest part of motion capture. But I don’t know, maybe it looked creepy as sh*t with dots for eyes.
Oh, and Steven Spielberg said they already have a guy working on the script for Jurassic Park 4. So, uh… there’s that. I wonder if the dinosaurs learn to drive trains in this one. “IT’S LIKE A MISSILE THE SIZE OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING FILLED WITH VELOCIRAPTORS!”

Here’s Andy Serkis asking the first question, disguised as an audience memeber. THE SERKIS IS IN TOWN, SON HOO HOO!

Here’s some Spanish guy who said he was a director asking Peter Jackson if he ever plans to make another funny horror movie. I took a picture of him because he has the awesomest hair of all time. That sh*t looks like Gazoo’s helmet. “Hola, when are ju guana make anothair horr-or feelm, dum dum?”

At the Haywire panel, starring my lover Gina Carano. They showed a clip from the movie, and I must admit, it looked pretty badass. It looks like a Soderbergh take on the modern Kung Fu flick, or a Bourne Identity without the quick cuts and shaky cam. It still looks like stagey movie fighting, with some MMA moves thrown in, but it’s still much more realistic than we’re used to, and more importantly, INTENSE. Put it this way, Gina chokes a dude out with a triangle, and then she puts a pillow over his head and shoots him in the face. Pretty metal.
She was giving me looks like this the WHOLE TIME, bro, I swear. She totally wants me.
Here’s yours truly asking a question during the Q & A. I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty intimidating to get up in front of like 10,000 people after having your question vetted by like three PR reps. It wasn’t nearly as good as it could’ve been, but I definitely managed a “Respek” to C-Tates, and he definitely returned my air fist bump. Burnsy would’ve never forgiven me if I hadn’t. I didn’t have the balls to actually call him “C-Tates” though, nor did I finish my question with “holla back, youngin.”
Says Burnsy: “There are a million ways you could have gone, playboy. All that matters is you C-walked.”
I’ll have audio of this on the next Frotcast. And no, that shirt was not plaid, though I’m wearing a plaid one as I type this.

Aw, yeaaah, girl, me and Danny Devito over there like what we see. Wonder Woman too, from the looks of it. The appeal of stems that nice transcends gender.
TO BE CONTINUED….


TAGSCHANNING TATUMcomic conCOMIC-CON PHOTO DIARY 2011ELIJAH WOODGINA CARANOSTEVEN SODERBERGHsteven spielbergWILFRED

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