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This Week in Posters: Avengers, Men in Black 3, Etc.

By / 02.28.12
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THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: This week in This Week in Posters, we've got superheroes, starlets, blood, and of course Will Smith. Click on for more fun! This is your favorite time of the week!

New from Marvel, it's a new one-sheet for The Avengers. It looks like Marvel's poster designer has been paying attention to all the gender-swapped superhero parodies going around the internet. Tony Stark and The Hulk both have their asses jutting out coquettishly like total boy-sluts, while Black Widow gets the straightforward hero pose (to say nothing of Hawkeye's dangling phallus-arrows). I always thought that "superheroes are sexist!" argument was kind of stupid anyway. Sure, there are some whorey looking super heroines (of course there are, look who's drawing them), but keep in mind, the archetypal male superhero is a guy in a spandex suit with a red cape, knee-high f-me boots and his underwear on the outside of his leotard. The hypersexualization goes both ways. Like your sister. There are more important things to worry about, is what I'm saying. Like why the hell is Captain America 50 feet tall.

 


This looks like a sobering, Meryl Streep-narrated documentary about the effects of global warming on some of Earth's most magnificent creatures. Until you get to the font, which looks like Poochie the Dog with Attitude shredded it on a surfboard. COWABUNGA, DUDE! (*plays tasty riff on flying V guitar, goes double pits to chesty*)

No synopsis on this one yet, but it comes from one of the writers of Greg the Bunny and Warren the Ape. I really hope it's about porn. "Starlet" is generally code for porn star, which is generally code for girl willing to put wieners in her mouth on film. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


This movie is going to be so bad ass. I hope he beats up a bunch of dudes inside that building. I bet that's what happens. Just watch.

That "Redemption" subtitle still sucks. GI Joe: Retaliation comes out later this year, and if you could swap titles with a GI Joe movie without anyone noticing, it's a good sign that your subtitle sucks.

I like this poster, very straighforward. Though all I can think about when I look at it is Rooster Cogburn yelling "Fill your hands, you son of a bitch!"

It's always worrying when someone sings in public with their eyes closed, and the same goes for people on movie posters. OPEN YOUR EYES, LADY! That kind of earnestness makes me break out in hives.

I don't know what the hell Mary Harron has been doing since American Psycho, but The Moth Diaries just got a trailer and poster.

This is the tale of Rebecca (Sarah Bolger), sent to boarding school ("My father had just died; my mother was a wreck") and having her world rocked by the darkly mysterious and obsessive Ernessa (Lily Cole). "Cooped up here, you girls all get so close, and all that emotion can turn toxic," says English teacher Scott Speedman.
Think that sounds like 19th century Gothic novella Carmilla? Well done, take a house mark. That's exactly what's going on here. The girls are studying Sheridan LeFanu's spooky classic in their English class, so the parallels are entirely deliberate, although whether The Moth Diaries is actually a vampire story remains ambiguous. [Empire]

The Moth Diaries, The Moth Podcast, the moth in Silence of the Lambs -- just once I want something that uses moths in its title to have something to do with actual moths. Is that so much to ask? I'm so sick of those wool-eating shitheads trying to hide behind respectability. Moths must have a fantastic publicist.

This is basically the same Men in Black poster from last week, with slightly different words on the front. This thing is bugging the hell out of me, so I'm just going to fix it myself:

See? Simple fix. Much better.

There are three new posters for this one, Loss of Life. I guess it's about a killer in a clown mask or something. The posters are about as interesting as that sounds.

Kind of looks like the bad guy in Double Dragon here.

First a gun, now an axe, which one is it? Hey, I'm axing you a question.

This is by far the most intriguing of the bunch, but that doesn't mean I'm tracking down the trailer. That's the thing about a generic title like "Loss of Life," Google doesn't help much.

Ooh, two people sitting on a bench, run don't walk to see this barnburner.

Yep, it's a documentary about oil companies. That poster is a depiction of you, the viewer, sitting in your easy chair going "Fuuuuuck this is depressing."

Courtesy of LatinoReview, The Rock stars in GI Joe: Retaliation. That's definitely The Rock alright. I'm holding out for the sequel, GI Joe: Italiation. That poster will just be Richard Grieco staring across the street, grabbing his crotch.

Why are you diagonal? Time is running out, someone explain this stupid, yet unbelievably pervasive trend to me.

Here's the poster for Cannes 65th anniversary, featuring Marilyn Monroe giving a blow job (I hope there's an older guy somewhere just got a google alert because of that).

The Cannes Film Festival has unveiled their official poster and artwork for this year's 65th festival, being held from May 16th to 27th in Cannes, France. This year they will pay tribute to Marilyn Monroe, selected as the icon of the 2012 Festival. "Fifty years after her death, Marilyn is still a major figure in world cinema, an eternal icon, whose grace, mystery and power of seduction remain resolutely contemporary." [FirstShowing]

"OMG, I'm OBSESSED with Marilyn Monroe!" -Every dumb chick ever.

This one still looks decidedly meh to me, but I like the poster. And the more they romanticize awful frizzy curly shitlocks like that, the better it is for people like me, the awful frizzy curly be-shitlocked. You should see me in the morning. It's not cinematic.

Here's the first of a big batch of Act of Valor posters. Navy SEALS are badass and all, but these are just way too serious and on the nose for me. Sooo serious. Yeesh, I can practically hear Nickelback or some other underbite singing in the background when I look at these.

YASSEAHHHH! Uhhh, lemme take off mah glove...

---

I fight for Photoshop!

Notice how this one has a concept and a tagline and it's clever and it's not just "GRRR SOLDIERS!"? This is the British poster. We can never have nice things.

[posters via IMPA, except where otherwise noted]

 

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TOPICS#Marvel#THIS WEEK IN POSTERS
TAGSbraveCANNESCOLD LIGHT OF DAYGI JOE 2GREEDY LYING BASTARDSLOSS OF LIFEMen In Black 3NATURAL SELECTIONPAYBACKSTARLETTHE AVENGERSTHE MOTH DIARIESTHE RAIDTO THE ARCTIC 3D
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