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Twilight releases the most boring set of promotional stills in the history of man

By 07.31.12
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I know Summit probably realized years ago that they could release literally any promo material from Twilight and the Twihards would eat it up like their cats with so much fancy feast, but this is getting ridiculous. This new batch of 11 promotional stills they just released is far and away the most boring marketing I've ever seen. It's like they went out of their way to make it especially unexciting just to keep from getting sued when that British Shrek chick finally has a heart attack. This batch of half-assed pictures reads like some bastard child of Mervyn's fall collection, that calendar from Zoolander, glamour shots by Deb, and Hot Topic jewelry. Oh, and a LOT of gayness. Like, a lot a lot.


Vampires have no pigment. Or facial expressions, apparently. Those are the blankest facial expressions I've ever seen. It's like they took pains to perfectly recreate :-| in real life.

:-| :-|

Two Twilight vampires.

:-[ :-[

Now with fangs.

Seriously, my mom took a glamour shot at the mall in 1996 that looks exactly like this. Is this someone's idea of edgy? Ooh, a popped collar on a leather jacket? Look out, Secretary's Night, Meredith's about to let loose!

|{:-|

How's my hair, you guyth, theriouthly.

Would you paca me? Alpaca me. Alpaca me hard.

Sparkle me, Edward. Sparkle me raw.

THIS IS THE SAME PICTURE AS TWO PICTURES AGO ONLY WITHOUT THE BUTTON UP.

"Hey, here's Jacob in a t-shirt. Here's Jacob in a t-shirt with a pocket. Isn't this movie going to be awesome?" -Summit marketing dept.

Vampires may stay youthful forever, but they betray their true age by styling their hair like 53-year-old insurance salespeople from Topeka.

"Yeah, bro, did you see the tuft of highlights in my hair? That was my idea. I like to add a personal touch to all my roles. It's part of my preparation."

I call this piece "the timeless brooch of Photoshopped hair."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Phew. Okay. Get a hold of yourself, Mancini. Sorry. I like to call this one "Kiss me I'm constipated."

Sorry, okay, just one more...

[via HeyUGuys]

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