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I was thinking about how to make awards coverage fun and unique, until I realized such pontificating was an exercise in futility. Awards coverage is by nature as boring as watching whatever dry on your mom. So what does one do when they need to construct an engaging post without the hoity-toity-ness expected from respectable film blogs? One creates a bracket!
Welcome to FilmDrunk’s First Annual Oscars Best Picture Bracket. We’re going to focus on the films nominated for Best Picture in 2012 since doing otherwise would be foolish and a waste of everyone’s time.
Here’s the Deal:
It works just like a March Madness bracket. Today you will vote for your favorite film in each category on the bracket above. Make your voice heard in the comments section. The categories are: Movies About Making Movies, Movies About Death, Movies with Brad Pitt, and Period Pieces (The Don’t Fit Into Other Categories). For that last one there are three films, but just choose one. The winner in each category will advance to the next stage, and tomorrow I will show you those winners. You’ll vote again tomorrow and finally on Thursday until we have our FilmDrunk pick for Best Picture of 2012. And no, you cannot write in Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star. Let’s all just agree it was robbed of a nomination.
Do You Like Prizes?
If the FilmDrunk pick for Best Picture matches the Oscar Best Picture winner, I’ll gather up the names of everyone who voted for that film in the final round, write them down on Post-It Notes, force feed them to Vince, and whichever name he poops out first will receive a FilmDrunk t-shirt in the color of his or her choosing, and the feces-stained Post-It.
But that’s not all…
You’ll also win respect; perhaps the most prestigious prize of them all.
So Get to Voting. You have until midnight tonight PST (West Coast reprahsent!) to lock in your choice, and you can only vote once for one picture in each category. Please don’t make this difficult. Daddy’s had a long day.
After the jump I have provided for you a half-assed-nalysis of the nominees. Use my guide to make an informed decision, or disregard it all together and go with your gut. Men have won millions based on pure instinct. They’ve also lost everything they care about.
HUGO
What It’s Got Going for It: Scorsese and nostalgia. The veteran director did a fantastic job of bringing the world of George Melies to life in the flashbacks. Also, if 3D tickles The Academy’s fancy, the entire film was shot in it as opposed to being post-converted. However this is more likely to better help lock in a win for the film’s cinematographer Robert Richardson, who you may better know as Quentin Tarantino’s coke wizard.
What It’s Got Going Against It: It didn’t win jacksh*t at any of the guild awards. Furthermore, none of the actors are nominated for an Oscar. If Scorsese hadn’t already received an Oscar for The Departed, Hugo might have a better shot.
THE ARTIST
Going for It: Just about everything. It won the PGA award for Best Picture, the DGA award for Best Director, and the SAG award for Best Actor. It also stars an adorable Jack Russell Terrier that’s more convincing as an actor than Cam Gigandet. It also has the same nostalgia factor as Hugo, but with more of a “feel-good” vibe that The Academy laps up.
Going Against It: It’s French. Do we still not like them?
EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE
Going for It: Honestly nothing. I find it laughable that this film even got nominated for Best Picture, but I guess that’s what happens when you set out to make 9/11 Oscar bait. It only has a 45% on Rotten Tomatoes. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol should have gotten a nom before this melodramatic sobfest.
Going Against It: See above.
THE DESCENDANTS
Going for It: Alexander Payne movies always seem to strike a chord with The Academy. They’re often the perfect mix of tragedy and comedy, but The Descendants borders more on the tragic side. All of the actors in the film do a great job, and the daughter, played by Shailene Woodley (who should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actress), cries underwater. That’s hard to do, even if you’re being held under by an abusive stepfather. [Editor’s Note: Here, the rest of Ian’s paragraph got a little cathartic, so it’s been redacted.]
Going Against It: The Cloonmeister (George Clooney if you’re a square) lost out at the SAG Awards to The Artist’s Jean Dujardin. That does not bode well for a film that places most of its heavy lifting on the lead actor.
MONEYBALL
Going for It: It has six nominations, the third most of any film this year. Brad Pitt also delivers one of his best performances in years, and it was NOT playing a mentally unstable person. I enjoyed this film quite a bit, even though Vince did not, but you know what, he doesn’t tell me how to feel. I’m my own man! And this man likes Brad Pitt’s moneyballs! Wait no.
Going Against It: Director Bennett Miller got snubbed for a Best Director nomination, and the only film to ever win Best Picture without the director being nominated is Driving Miss Daisy. Never underestimate the power of Jessica Tandy’s sass.
THE TREE OF LIFE
Going for It: It’s pretty? It’s pretty.
Going Against It: There might not be a majority of pretentious douches in The Academy to insist that this was a brilliant film that us laymen simply didn’t understand. “You thought that flower was just a FLOWER? It’s like you’re simian.”
THE HELP
Going for It: The Academy loves to pretend they love stories about overcoming racism. Look at Crash. That piece of sh*t won Best Picture back in 2004. Granted, The Help is far better than Crash, and boasts some terrific performances from both white and black actors. It also won Best Ensemble Cast at the SAG Awards.
Going Against It: It failed to pick up any nominations outside of the picture and actor categories. Also, the reason The Academy likes to award films that tackle racism is because they’re secretly racist. It makes no sense I know, but neither does an awards ceremony for movies.
WAR HORSE
Going for It: Spielberg. MAYBE. But I don’t think even his involvement can get this equine porn a gold statue.
Going Against It: Spielberg out Spielberged himself. Horses aren’t dogs. Those glassy-eyed beasts don’t have the range to turn us into blubbering pussies. You replace that horse with a Corgi though and it’s all over. I’ll make in my pants.
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
Going for It: It’s quirky! It’s Woody Allen! It’s actors doing a damn good job of playing famous artists from the 1920s!
Going Against It: It’s quirky! It’s Woody Allen! It’s actors doing a damn good job of playing famous artists from the 1920s! And that’s about it.