WE HAVE DISCOVERED AN ANCIENT CACHE OF SEVENTIES SOFTCORE PORN PHOTOS TAKEN BY A VAN DRIVER. TODAY IS A GREAT DAY.
For today’s Friday Free for All, our regularly-scheduled, non-movie-related digression, an effusive thanks goes out to UptownAlmanac for their recent, incredible investigative work on one of our favorite topics, Rape Vans. They recently discovered in San Francisco the above van, which fits our definition of “Rape Van” on so many levels that I don’t even know where to begin (windowless, covered in rust, parked on the street…). But here’s where it gets A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER. This Rape Van driver has a website. And this Rape Van driver looks like this:
I. Want. To be married in that vest. I want to be BURIED in that vest. Or stuffed in it and paraded before future generations as a symbol of pride. But I don’t even have TIME to discuss how awesome Larry Jamison’s outfit is, because this story too quickly gets EVEN BETTER. Did I mention Larry Jamison’s website is dedicated to his photography? Did I mention that Larry Jamison’s website has a section called “Boudoir”? Is there ANY word in the English language more rapey-sounding than BOUDOIR? But I’m getting ahead of myself. These pictures… they simply must be seen. (*crosses self, says 10 Hail Maries, thanks Gods for whatever I did to deserve this*)
THINE ONLY TRUE ENEMY IS THINE SELF! THINE GREATEST WEAPON IS THINE RIGHTEOUS MULLET! TIE THINE GI! SHAVE OFF THINE SIDEBURNS! REMOVE THINE EARRING! NOW IT’S KATA TIME, KEE YAI!
Oh, what was that I said about a boudoir? I’m glad you asked.
The Boudoir Packages [THE BOUDOIR PACKAGES!!!]
- The Starlet [EEEE!!!] – Two hours, 30 poses, changes of clothing, 30 4 x 5 in classic black proof album, one 11 x 14, picture CD of all pictures, $300
- The Movie Star [!!!!!] – Two to three hours, changes of clothing, 100 4 x 5 prints in classic black proof album, one 16 x 20 mounted print, Picture CD of entire session, $500
- The Pampered Goddess – Three hours, 100 poses, changes of clothing, 100 4 x 5 prints in classic black proof album, twelve 8 x 10 in deluxe album with inscription and one 20 x 24, custom framed, $900.
- The Enchanted Day – I’m your photographer for an entire day! Unlimited changes of clothing, indoor and outdoor location sessions. Live out your photo fantasies! 440 proofs in 3 albums, 36 8 x 10 prints in deluxe album, one 20 x 24 Mtd, custom framed, one 16 x 20 Mtd., custom framed, picture CD of entire session, $1800
(*breathes into paper bag*)
- All boudoir portraits begin with a consultation prior to the photo sessions to plan the creation of your glamour images. Locations for the session can be discussed. They can be indoors at your home or with select props at my home. Clothing and background coordination will be covered. One half of the package price chosen will be due at this time with the balance paid at the beginning of the photo session.
Boudoir. Itinerary. I hope he only didn’t mention it only because it goes without mentioning, that your Boudoir Itinerary consultation could take place inside Larry Jamison’s sweet van. I am in Heaven. Heavan.
I think we finally know who was writing those Burt Reynolds fan letters.
I hope the subjects of these pictures aren’t embarrassed, because SEVENTIES PHOTOGRAPHY IS AMAZING. I WOULD PROUDLY HANG ANY OF THESE IN MY BOUDOIR.
HAVE YOU EVER RECEIVED A MUSTACHE RIDE ON PURE SATIN? IT IS MAGIC.
MY GOD, IS THAT A FAMILY OF RUSSIAN NESTING DOLLS??? LARRY JAMISON IS A WIZARD! They seem to like plaid as much as I do. I think this is my secret family.
Oh hello there. I didn’t hear you come in.
Can I have a thicker parasol? It’s very bright in here.
This one isn’t that funny, but I included it because I want those puppies inside me. Hey, fellas, let me smell your fur NOM NOM NOM NOM.
Naw, baby, no one’s ever been on this couch before you, I swear.
Dear Sexy Lingerie Lady: I’ve stared at your picture so many times that I think I have all your ruffles named.
Why yes, I DO run track and field, why do you ask?
A glass of white wine, your favorite jukebox — just a relaxation train to pleasure town.
What? Well of course I’m sure this dress is appropriate. You look great, baby, there’s no reason to be shy.
TWINSIES! (But seriously, aren’t they adorable?)
(*White Snake song fades in*)
(*Color Me Badd song fades in*)
BRASS BLAZER BUTTONS, SON WHAT!
“Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout?”
My boudoir photography has always been a range of looks or styles of photography variously described as romantic soft, sensual, glamorous, suggestive, semi-nude and nude. Boudoir, French for bedroom, refers to images that have themes of romance, sensuality, and flirtation. It is not necessary to be nude or revealing in boudoir photography. It has more to do with an attitude or state of mind than the state of dress or undress. Your boudoir portraits can be done as a very unique gift to a loved one, conveying love, affection and giving or you can just “indulge yourself in a boudoir fantasy” and do it just for you. It’s your choice.
My boudoir portraiture is done with film with either large format Mamiya RB-67 camera or a classic Nikon F-2. I can utilize Norman Studio lights with the main light coming from the “Starfish” which produces a soft light similar to a cloud passing in front of the sun or I can photograph you anywhere outdoors. Softness in the image can be created with glass matte filters of my own design. I no longer have a full studio but do have the fainting couch seen in these samples and some other props. I can meet clients interested in my work here at my home in the Felton Manor or we can have a chat and discuss prices at a coffee shop like our local Starbucks.
Praise God for you, Larry Jamison. Though I’m afraid I’m going to need something stronger than coffee. I will be toasting every cocktail I drink to you for the next six months. I want to jump on Oprah’s couch and scream my love of Larry Jamison before an indifferent nation. This is the best time I’ve had in years.
More amazing photography, including NSFW shots, at LarryJamison.com
Thanks to Rob for the tip. You are a king among men.