THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: It was a slower week on the poster front, but there’s still lots to see including Prometheus, Amanda Seyfried as a porn star, Statham, and I swear to God, Stephen Dorff. Trust me, man, I wouldn’t lie to you about Stephen Dorff.
Prometheus: Not much different than what we’ve already seen, just a little brighter. Every time I see one of these I have to try not to make a Big Giant Head reference from Third Rock from the Sun that no one will get. What! Joseph Gordon-Levitt was on that show! You’re telling me it’s still not cool? Fine. Whatever, man. I’ll just say that “a search for your beginning that leads to your end” creates a very head-up-your-own-ass visual.
Not a poster per se, these are the first set pictures from Lovelace, starring Amanda Seyfried as Linda Lovelace. It makes sense that they called it Lovelace, I bet it would’ve been a lot harder to convince Amanda Seyfried to be in “Dogf*cker.”
“Linda? Hi, it’s Steve Ratner, your agent. I got you a part in a hot new film. It’s called ‘Dogf*cker.'”
The Raven, remember this one? John Cusack plays Edgar Allan Poe as he tries to stop a serial killer? The only problem I can foresee with this one, and I don’t want to make something out of nothing here, is that it isn’t satire. It’s a perfect parody concept made serious, like if Naked Gun was adapted into Law and Order. It’s like if that trailer for FDR: American Badass wasn’t intended to be comedic at all.
Aw, it looks like even The Stath is bored with pointing guns at you. “Oy, cont. ‘ow bout you leave da room whoilst oy knob dis fit Choinese bird, now don’ oy.”
I like how they used the bullet trails to subtly imply that this was going to have X-wing fighters. Sorry. Just Terrence Howard wearing hats.
Daniel Radcliffe in a tuxedo presses his hand against the glass, while three well-dressed young girls stare out at him somberly. Goodness, this looks like the most British prison movie I’ve ever seen
The Spanish poster for Red Lights, Rodrigo Cortés’s follow up to the awful Buried.
Psychologist Margaret Matheson and her assistant study paranormal activity, which leads them to investigate a world-renowned psychic.
You can watch the trailer below. It’s literally 60 seconds of Robert Deniro turning halfway around, so I have to imagine Red Lights will be every bit as exciting as Buried, in which the main character and camera never left the inside of a coffin. And to think, my friend Roxanne produced this. I kept telling her she didn’t have to put it on, over and over I told her, that day is over, but she just wouldn’t listen.
The new trailer for this hit last week, and you can watch it below. I can’t tell whether to believe the hype just yet, but I love the idea of a dog suspended by balloons. If that actually happens in the film, how long before PETA is all over them for it?
I have fond memories of the Warped Tour, and the only person I recognized in this whole trailer was Fletch from Pennywise. Way to bum me out, guys.
SAM WORTHINGZTON IZ IN UR BUILDINGZ, LISTENING TO UR POOPZ.
They’re really not doing enough to market Sam Worthington’s righteous mullet in this. Last time I saw a mullet that righteous, it was Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, and that was righteous.
“SAM! Hello, Sam? Don’t jump. Look, I know the angry boy’s a bit too insane. Icing over the secret pain. I know you don’t belong, but…”
It’s fitting that the Spanish poster for The Lorax would play up “Thneedville,” since it’s already so easily pronounceable in the Castilian dialect. It sounds lispy to everyone else.
I thought Cyrus was underrated and I could always watch a comedy with Jason Segel and Ed Helms in it, even a slacker-needs-to-grow-up one. Also, does everyone’s mom have a basement but mine? Do your moms have basements? My mom never had a basement. I feel like I missed out on the opportunity to fully embrace my stereotype.
Deception dresses like the goddamned unabomber, apparently.
Hunger Games, the film eagerly anticipated by chicks who can’t admit liking Twilight anymore. You know, Jennifer Lawrence is already super pretty, did you really have to turn her into plastic? Also, why is she shooting diagonally? Is that some hip dystopian future thing, like gangsters holding their guns sideways?
Yes, this is the exact same poster as the English one I posted last week, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to repost Liam Neeson running off to punch wolves with his knife hands. Also, the French title appears to be “The Land of the Wolves.” I don’t know if that’s a better title than The Grey, it’s a little on the nose, but I think “In the land of the wolves, the man with knife hands is king,” would make an awesome tagline.
You know, America is a lot of things, but “underfed” isn’t one of them. …AND THAT’S WHY IT’S SO SHOCKING! Wait, I think I see the problem here. They keep trying to plant the crops on that damned diagonal soil. All the water drains right out.
Fat Spanish Elvis with a tiny blonde chick on his shoulder: The Andy Garcia story.
This reminds me that I haven’t posted my Carnage review yet, but let me assure you, it is most certainly not “one of the funniest films of the year.” In fact, even if you consider a workaholic getting his Blackberry dunked in water the height of humor, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t even a comedy.
So this looks like… Stephen Dorff, starring in some kind of found-footage thriller? STOP DRILLING, YOU’VE STRUCK GOLD!
“Come DIE with me.” YES. It just goes to show, sometimes the simplest tagline is the best tagline. The only way this could be better is if the title was “The Air Up There.”
[posters via IMPA]