140 Characters of Ego: July Edition

By: 07.08.11

Last month, we saw the epic Twitter war between the Marketing Alliance and the Food Blogger Underground for who was the worst on Twitter. Despite valiant efforts by both sides, the battle ended in a draw, to be continued this month. And how did our two warring factions actually do?

@Reply: Your personality, on the other hand, seems to be backsliding.
Character Overage: We do have to respect a guy whose Twitter profile says “Jerk.  Not even that good looking”.  But we’re not sure he’s not trying to be ironic, and also, his Twitter icon is animated.  He has an animated Twitter icon.  Back!  Back to MySpace, troll!
@Reply: We guess a marketing director WOULD be excited about “Transformers 3”.  Masturbating to the product placement and all that.
Character Overage: We’re still trying to figure out why attending this premiere is worth an “aaaaawwww yeeeeaaaahh!” in any way, shape or form.  Maybe because he didn’t have to pay to see the movie?  Maybe he thinks he has a shot at Jason Statham’s girlfriend?  Maybe he was hoping to assassinate Michael Bay?
@Reply: Driving somebody to suicide is nothing to be proud of.
Character Overage: We suppose a guy whose parents actually named him “Bryce” is just screwed from the start when it comes to ego problems.  He has to wake up every day and realize he’s just not manly enough to be named “Bruce”.  Then again, he is apparently a big wheel in the world of Christian Rock.  Again, why that’s something to be proud of, we’re not really sure, but to each their own.
@Reply: Completely submerge them in baking soda and lemon juice.  Works every time.
Character Overage: It’s kind of up in the air about Ughman, here, whether he’s a pathetic troll or really this much of a jackass.  A quick visit to his personal website yields an eye-bleeding design with lightbulb wallpaper and a blog that hasn’t been updated since 2006 (and apparently since then, he hasn’t stopped whining about how commuters dare ride the bus with him, the wuss), both of which combine to give the strong impression of “failed artist and writer”.  So, even if he IS just trolling Tweeting Too Hard, he’s still a loser.  Huzzah!  Also, he’s the second Canadian we’ve featured for some reason.
@Reply: You have a typo there, we’re pretty sure you meant “2.4m”.
Character Overage: Look, it doesn’t matter the social media format: Facebook, Twitter, even your own blog: gloating about your gym accomplishments automatically marks you as a douche.
@Reply: You’re an indie filmmaker nobody’s heard of.  Be grateful anybody wants a favor from you at all.
Character Overage: While we do have to agree with his etiquette point, we’re also forced to point out this might be the single douchiest and passive-aggressive way to MAKE that etiquette point.  If you’re going to call someone out, at least name names.
@Reply: Yeah, not making eye contact will make it easier for your betters to ignore you.
Character Overage: Apparently, L.E. here is a gay Brit who helps run the Margaret Thatcher Foundation.  You do understand that Margaret Thatcher kind of hated gays, right?
@Reply: No, thanks, I want a drink that doesn’t make me look like a douche.
Character Overage: We can at least say this: any man who is as dedicated to alcoholism as Mr. Hall here is one we can kind of, sort of respect.  Just stop gloating about drinking at parties, dude: it’s like a wino tweeting about this awesome bottle of Night Train he’s drinking under the bridge.
@Reply: “It’s OK!  I can be racist!  I’m foreign!”
Character Overage: This Twitter feed has to be read to be believed.  It’s like somebody thought “White People Problems” wasn’t a derogatory term.
@Reply: We’re glad you moved up to selling heroin in bulk.
Character Overage: And this is our second marketroid of the article in a place suprisingly devoid of them.  Her blog says that she “believes in products”.  Of course you do.
@Reply: “I love learning by negative example!”
Character Overage: Note to Peter, if he’s reading; if the personal biography on your website runs two pages, that’s a bad thing.
@Reply: They were trying to teach you humility.
Character Overage: Just how many self-righteous beer-swilling vegetarian coders is San Francisco home to, anyway?
@Reply: But not enough self-awareness to get out of marketing.
Character Overage: Yep, this is marketroid number three.  Despite the vague, ego-boosting nature, this is actually a post from a guy, who is at least self-aware enough to include “Everybody hates me” in his Twitter bio.  Awwwww, don’t worry.  It’s just because you’re in marketing.
@Reply: Really, it’s the tiger suit that makes you seem stupid.
Character Overage: What is it about graphic designers?  Seriously.  Every month, we have at least two of them on here, and they all seem to suffer both an overabundance of ego and to be some of the most emotionally brittle people that exist.  Does Photoshop destroy your self-esteem?
That’s it for this month, with a decisive win for the marketroids.  But don’t worry.  We’re sure the food bloggers will come roaring back, or that the graphic designers will strike from an artfully constructed mountain stronghold.

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