Bastardizing Greek Mythology For Wads Of Cash: The Game

By: 10.27.10  •  8 Comments

*Disclaimer* I traded in my copy of Photoshop for a hot meal and this cool dragon necklace, which I have already lost.

My grandpappy always used to say that the key to success is to constantly keep an eye out for new opportunities and not be afraid to strike when the time is right. Of course, he was referring to mugging people in dark alleys with a concealed banana masquerading as a gun, but I found that his words apply even to life’s many non-criminal endeavors. Thus, taking gramps’ wisdom to heart, I decided now’s the perfect time to strike at the very scrotum of modern pop culture and make my name known for generations to come. That’s right: I designed my own video game!

I’d love nothing more than to congratulate myself on how clever and incredibly well endowed I am, but when you really think about it the idea seems painfully obvious. What’s one of the best selling games for the PlayStation? The God of War Series. One of the hottest DVDs this year? Percy Jackson & The Olympians. How much did the Clash of the Titans remake gross at the theaters? Nearly half a billion, Zeus H. Christ, dollars. And finally, do you know what binds all of those franchises together? Yup! They are all very horrible!

Relax GoW fanboys. We kid because we love you.

But seriously, it’s obviously the fact that they all base themselves on Greek mythology, even if they do take a certain amount of  liberties with their source material (that amount being humongoriffic). When I realized that, I immediately thought to myself: “Hey, I own a book on Greek mythology and I have absolutely no qualms about disrespecting ancient religions, so maybe I too could be filthy rich?” The answer was obviously “Yes.” Here’s what I had in mind:

Around The Web


He Is Virginia Tech: Why Blacksburg Will Always Be Smiling For Frank Beamer

By:  •  2 Comments

‘The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2‘ Director Francis Lawrence Explains That Final Scene

By:  •  7 Comments

Jackie Earle Haley Discusses ‘Criminal Activities,’ His Directorial Debut


Tara Subkoff And Chloë Sevigny Discuss ‘#Horror,’ A Cyberbully Nightmare


Todd Haynes On The Sophistication And Passion Of ‘Carol,’ And The Dreary Charm Of Cincinnati


Need An Adventure? Now Is The Best Time To Go To Yellowstone National Park!

By:  •  8 Comments

Samantha Ponder Shares The Greatest ‘College GameDay’ Location, And The Importance Of Being Unbalanced


Weathering The Crimson Storm: How One Football Team Ended A 32-Game Losing Streak


This Couple Setting Out On A Two-Year Van Trip To Shine A Light On Mental Illness Is Sure To Inspire You

By:  •  8 Comments

Francis Lawrence On How Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Death Affected ‘The Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part 2‘


Loren Bouchard On ‘Bob’s Burgers,’ How His Show Survived, And The Beauty Of Never Growing Up

By:  •  2 Comments

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Vs. Canada’s Ed The Sock, And The Problem Of Parallel Creation

By:  •  25 Comments

Charlie Kaufman Talks About ‘Anomalisa’ And The Depressing Reasons There Haven’t Been More Charlie Kaufman Movies


JB Smoove Tells Us About The Real Larry David, And Why Comedians Are Like Basketball Players

By:  •  5 Comments

Kether Donohue On ‘Grease,’ Sunday Funday, And Why ‘You’re The Worst’ Is Revolutionary

By:  •  10 Comments

The Inside Story On What Makes ‘Spotlight’ So Extraordinary


How ‘California Love’ Became One Of The Greatest Hip-Hop Music Videos Of All-Time

Promoted By
Coors Light

The Directors Of ‘The Blair Witch Project’ And Others Discuss Found-Footage Horror’s Past And Unsure Future

By:  •  6 Comments