Ryan Seacrest, who I'm pretty sure looks like a Ken doll down there, has been announced as the host of this year's Emmies. What is the Emmies, you ask? A prescient question, asswipe. The Emmies are awards that TV executives give to shows like Two and a Half Men while pretending that anything they do has artistic merit.
In other words, Seacrest is perfect for the job. Strangely, he'll also be emceeing the Super Bowl. The Emmies I can see, but for Seacrest talking football? I picture basically the opposite of Fred Willard as the dog show announcer in Best in Show.
"Now Joe, with these 300-pound lineman, just to give the folks at home some idea – how long would you say it takes a guy like that to shave his chest?"
I also think "MC Super Bowl" would be a sweet rap name.