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THE EMMYS HAPPENED – UPDATE

By 09.22.08

The Emmys happened last night, and if you were lucky enough not to watch, I’ll give you the recap.  First of all, as a self-congratulatory circle jerk, the Emmys make the Oscars look tame.  They have so many goddamned categories they might as well give everyone a trophy at the door.

To give you an idea of how much it sucked, the hosts were Ryan Seacrest, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst from Survivor, Heidi Klum, and that annoying jagoff who replaced Saget on America’s Funniest Home Videos.  They set the tone for the night with their opening bit, which I shit you not was 15 minutes of them swearing they hadn’t actually written an opening bit.  “No seriously, this isn’t a joke, we actually couldn’t come up with anything.”  Yeah?  How ’bout you get the f-ck off the stage then.

And throughout the night, presenters would say stuff like, “No, really, there’s nothing on the teleprompter right now, the producer keeps waving at me, hee hee ha ha ho ho….”  We get it, it’s live, you’re ad libbing, congratulations, you’re a genius.  The only one who was funny was Don Rickles, who, instead of saying he wasn’t reading off the teleprompter, made it clear he was going off teleprompter by ripping on what was on it.  That’s right, everyone there got outshined by Don Rickles, who’s 160 years old.  Though extra points for Conan O’Brien for dissing Katherine Heigl.  “At this point, I had planned on doing a few more jokes, but Katherine Heigl told me she didn’t think my material was Emmy-worthy.”  Burn.  List of winners after the jump.

UPDATE: You can see some video of the opening here.

Outstanding Drama Series
“Mad Men”

Outstanding Comedy Series
“30 Rock” [I think The Office is funnier, but whatever]

Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality – Competition Program
Jeff Probst for “Survivor” [Really?  That show's still on?]

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Tina Fey for “30 Rock”

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Bryan Cranston for “Breaking Bad”

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Glenn Close for “Damages”

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin for “30 Rock”

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Paul Giamatti for “John Adams”

Outstanding Miniseries
“John Adams”

Outstanding Reality Competition Program
“The Amazing Race” [Seriously?  That's the one that had the dwarf on it, right?]

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Eileen Atkins for “Cranford”

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Tom Wilkinson for “John Adams”

Outstanding Made for Television Movie
Recount

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series
“The Daily Show”

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Laura Linney for “John Adams”

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Dianne Wiest for “In Treatment”

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Zeljko Ivanek for “Damages”

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Jean Smart for “Samantha Who?”

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Jeremy Piven for “Entourage”

Outstanding Reality Program
“Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List”

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Special
Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project

Outstanding Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program
Don Rickles – “Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project” (HBO) [How is a one-episode Don Rickles special in the same category as what Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert do?  The upside of this was that Colbert predicted Rickles would win weeks ago.]

Outstanding Directing for a Comedy
Barry Sonnenfeld, “Pushing Daisies” (“Pie-Lette”)

Outstanding Directing for a Drama
Greg Yaitanes, “House” (“House’s Head”)

Outstanding Directing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program
Louis J. Horvitz – “80th Annual Academy Awards”

Outstanding Directing for a Miniseries or Dramatic Special
Jay Roach – Recount

Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
“The Daily Show With Jon Stewart”

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy
Tina Fey – “30 Rock” (“Cooter”) 

Outstanding Writing for a Drama
Matthew Weiner – “Mad Men” (“Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” – Pilot)

Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program
“The Colbert Report” – Tom Purcell (head Writer), Stephen Colbert, Allison Silverman, Richard Dahm, Michael Brumm, Rob Dubbin, Eric Drysdale, Peter Gwinn, Jay Katsir, Laura Krafft, Frank Lesser, Glenn Eichler, Peter Grosz, Bryan Adams, Barry Julien

Outstanding Writing for a Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special
Kirk Ellis – “John Adams” (“Independence”)

[Thanks to ABC and RopeofSilicon]


TAGSDON RICKLESEmmyEMMY AWARDShowie mandelRECAPryan seacrest

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