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THE MOST PREPOSTEROUS TV SCENE OF ALL TIME

G.I. JOE = EPIC FARTBOMB

By / 07.28.09

It’s fun seeing how much G.I. Joe is going to suck, and in that regard, this latest clip DOES. NOT. DISAPPOINT.  This must be some of the finest dialogue ever hastily scribbled on a napkin in crayon.

GENERAL HAWK: [To Duke] You scored in the top half percent of all the people we’ve ever tested.  And Rip, if we average your scores with Dukes, you’d pass too.
[Laughter]

AHAHAHAHA, GET IT?? IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE THE BLACK GUY ISN’T SMART!  LET’S ALL TAKE OUR SHIRTS OFF AND WORK OUT!  Later, Ripcord decides to chat up Scarlett while she reads “The Aufbay Principle” – it’s a book about science, because she is a scientist, you see, and scientists read science books while they work out.  Don’t let her jiggly sports bra fool you! (the extra ‘T’ in Scarlett stands for “Titties for days, y’all!)

RIP:  Look, I think you and me got off on the wrong foot.  See, I’m attracted to you, and you, you’re attracted to me.
SCARLETT: We’re attracted to each other.
RIP: THANK YOU!
SCARLETT:  That’s what you’re saying.  It’s not what I’m saying.
RIP: It’s not?
SCARLETT: Attraction is an emotion.  Emotions are not based in science.  And if you can’t quantify or prove that something exists… in my mind it doesn’t.

Oh right, she doesn’t believe EMOTIONS EXIST, because EMOTIONS aren’t BASED IN SCIENCE.  Because SHE is a SCIENTIST, you see!  WOOOF.  Man, I gotta find me a redheaded skeptic.  They always have awesome jugs.


TAGSCHANNING TATUMDENNIS QUAIDGI JOEMARLON WAYANSRACHEL NICHOLSSTEPHEN SOMMERS

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