(An artist’s conception of internet comments sections, via marriedtothesea)
Hello and welcome to another installment of Stuff I Thought Was Funny Last Week. Each week I tell myself I’m going to edit this post down to only the funniest few comments to make it concise and newbie-friendly, but it never gets very short. What can I say, y’alls is funny. Anyway, let’s start with an auto-erotic asphyxiation joke, because that seems fitting.
(from Bret Easton Ellis and Gus Van Sant’s suicide movie) ChinoMoreno says: I once tried to commit suicide by hanging myself. It didn’t work. I didn’t die, I just came really hard.
(from Jon Favreau not directing The Avengers and a Ted Nugent reference) Chareth Cutestory says:
By day, Ted Nugent’s just an everyday crossbow enthusiast prone to eating dear hearts. By night? A drunk version of what I just wrote.
Then there was a nice riff on what a fight between Wes Anderson and his Director of Photographer would be like:
(from The World’s Fanciest Feud)
Jirish says: They saw each other at the premier and had an interpretive dance battle. “You’ve just been served, by a below average butler” *raises pinky*
RoboPanda says: Wes Anderson’s youtube name is ~TweeWes Sweater Vests 4eva RIP Elliott Smith~.
Chareth Cutestory says: Their slap fights are in slow motion and set to the latest from the Fleet Foxes.
Donkey Hodey says: They then had a “yo momma’s so corpulent” battle. Wes won it with “Yo momma’s so corpulent, her blood type is raspberry au jus.”
Chareth Cutestory says: There’s only one way to settle this. Dirigible race.
Later, the Sense and Sensibility and Mexicans post spawned a Spanish movie pun battle. That was fun.
ATidyLittleSum says: John Cusack plays an Aryan Hitman going back to his high school reunion. Grosse Pointe Blanco
Jacktion! says: A goat-eating monster gets locked in a Taco bell overnight. Chalupacabra
DeFrank says: The Constant Gardener
ATidyLittleSum says: A film about how good it is to be John Malkovich. Bien John Malkovich
ATidyLittleSum says: Sly Stallone and Kurt Russell play two cops on two different sides of the tracks. Tengo and Cash
ATidyLittleSum says: A Spike Lee Joint about a black woman obsessed with cats. She’s Gato Have It.
Donkey Hodey says: Hey, it’s better than my story about a guy who has to steal a ton of donkeys in one night in order to save his little brother from a ruthless crime lord. Gonzalez in Sixty Seconds, Rated arrriba!
Donkey Hodey says: A Mexican teenager professes his love for a girl with the help of a boombox playing Menudo. Ese Anything, in theaters April 2011.
Donkey Hodey says: A Mexican is accused of raping a white woman. A young and well-respected lawyer agrees to defend him, despite the fact that the whole town has already rendered their verdict. Tequila Mockingbird
Then the “Bromantic Comedy” spawned a bro-related mini meme.
(from Bromance is like, a thing now)
So now I’m rollin’ down Brodeo with a shotgun,
these people ain’t seen a,
long sleeve shirt
since their grandparents bought ‘em one.
(from Kid Re-enacting Up in a Helium Ship)
Donkey Hodey says: Bro the humanity!
Some day, you’ll all remember where you were when Burnsy invented fictional Channing Tatum:
(from Channing Tatum is the wiggeriest surfer)
Burnsy says: “Hey girl, you like, wanna f-ck?”
Burnsy says: “Hey girl, um, I want to grab your titties or something.”
Burnsy says: “Hey girl, like, I’ll get the car door for you, because you’ve got my jizz all over your hand.”
Burnsy says: “Hey girl, if your brother’s going to keep, like, asking me to play his Wii, I’m gonna knock him the f-ck out.”
Awesome. Fictional Channing Tatum is like the dumb townie version of fictional Ryan Gosling. And finally, for the winner, I went with a comment that may not have been the funniest, but was probably the most accurate.
(from A Man in the Depths of an Ether Binge)
ATidyLittleSum says: This is like a redneck version of a Jamiroquai video.
Here’s the Jamiroquai video. See? Accurate.