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CANCER CURE CAN WAIT, 3D PORN COMES FIRST

By / 01.29.10

(“CHECK OUT HER BOX!!!”)

Friends, family, fat people…the future is upon us. Forget your iPads (Apple hates a heavy flow) and human genomes: 3D porn is near. Even more overwhelming, Caligula director, Tinto Brass is the wonderful pervert wanting to go down in jerk mags as creating the first-ever 3D pornographic production. Hilariously enough, for Brass, a 3D porno would also historically mark the first 3D film ever made in Italy.

Brass said that with the film he plans to “revisit an abandoned project about a Roman emperor that was ruined by Americans, and go from there,” a reference to “Caligula,” which he has criticized because of hard-core sex scenes added during postproduction without his consent. [THR]

Well great, as if I already didn’t spend enough time masturbating in a computer chair. I guess I better break out those delivery menus. And come to think of it, is 3D porn really something we need? I mean really, unless you’re an extra on Waterworld who the hell masturbates with goggles on? Protectively, I guess they’re a great idea, but do I really need some guys phantom nuts swinging in my face to get the full effect? Once again, it looks like I’ll have to turn to Spider-Man, circa 2001, for advice: “With great power cums comes great responsibility.”

-chodin


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