Reshaping The Mold
MAVERICKS GO ALL-IN FOR PLAYOFF RUN

ASHTON KUTCHER’S AL-QAEDA RECRUITMENT VIDEO BREAKS RECORDS

By / 02.16.10

(Pictured: The kind of neutered pussy offspring you can expect if you dragged your neutered pussy boyfriend to see Valentine’s Day with you.  Aw, isn’t that an adorable hat.)

The estimates for the four-day President’s Day weekend are in, and Valentine’s Day (عيد الحب), Garry Marshall’s Al-Qaeda recruitment tape, did even better than expected, earning $66 million and breaking the President’s Day box-office record by $14 million.  That’s a lot of new suicide bombers!

“Valentine’s” opened bigger than any previous pic bowing over Presidents Day or Valentine’s Day weekends and provided personal bests for director Garry Marshall and many cast members, including Julia Roberts, Bradley Cooper and Jamie Foxx.

“We knocked it out of the park this time,” Warners distribution boss [Sheikh] Dan [Al-]Fellman said.  Adding, “Allahu Akbar! Ulululululululu!” [THR]

The previous President’s Day record holder?  Ghost Rider, starring Nic Cage.  So clearly this milestone is an indicator of quality.  Seems like I can barely go five minutes without someone bringing up Ghost Rider, or saying how Ghost Rider is the best movie ever made, or saying that if they were stranded on a desert island and could only have one movie for the rest of their lives, that it’d be Ghost Rider, and that they’d happily move to a deserted island if they could only watch Ghost Rider over and over again.

Yes, the man’s a treasure. A National Treasure! *football to the groin*

I regret nothing.


TAGSAL QAEDA RECRUITMENT VIDEOSbox officePRESIDENTS DAYVALENTINE'S DAY

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