On May 14th, forest tights come in husky sizes. That’s when Ridley Scott’s Gladiator of Robin Hood movies opens, starring Russell Crowe as plus-sized Robin Hood, Mark Strong, and Cate Blanchett as Maid Marian. The theme of this one seems to be Robin’s continued belief, as his father taught him, that “Kings have a need of their subjects.” Meanwhile the king thinks, “Yes, for without them, who’s village would I burn down and women rape? Nigh for the king’s subjects doth not going to rape thyselves.”
Then they have a debate about it, and it’s my favorite kind of debate, where they shoot arrows at each other. Then Robin and Marian have to share a bed, and she threatens to cut his wiener off if he tries anything. But I bet you $10 they still fall in love. I’m so excited, this is gonna be just like Leap Year!
Oh hey look, I just found an outtake from one of Russell Crowe’s love scenes: