Comments of the week time, y’all. No prizes to giveaway, just humorousness for all, like Jesus turning water into wiener jokes. Blah blah blah, nominate for next week in the comments below, bookmark this post or use the CotW link in the sidebar. I think this one sums up the current zeitgeist or whatever. From Michael Bay to remake Monster Squad:
Jirish says: They should remake The Wizard but instead of an epic adventure to a Super Mario 3 tournament, it’s a bunch of 12 year olds sitting in their room yelling “f*ggot” into their headsets. Plus, explosions.
Mark it Zero wins the random story award in Julia Roberts Eats, Prays, Loves:
Mark it Zero says:
I was at a party one time, probably back around ‘97. Drinks were flowing, maybe a few people were toking, and it started getting pretty wild real fast. Sometime close to 2 in the morning, we were all trying to top each others crazy antics. Bill did the old tuck and kangaroo hop, some chick – I think her name was Allie – deepthroated a flower vase, I was putting lit cigarettes out in my mouth, when out of motherf*ckin’ nowhere, Julia Roberts busts in, and BAM! slams her face down on that day’s Washington Post, and comes up with half of Rachel Maddow’s column transferred to her cheek. Then she started grabbing her face and mushing and stretching the writing all together. Needless to say, that was the night we decided to get sober. We still meet on Wednesdays at the Waffle House.
As always, Burnsy knows his way around a wigger joke in Channing Tatum auditioned for Captain America:
Burnsy says: Yo girl, I don’t know ’bout no Red Skull, but you can battle this purple helmet.
Chareth Cutestory does the same for hipsters in Two minutes of Predators:
Chareth Cutestory says: The only thing hipster armies shoot is disgusted looks of abject mockery.
“Ooh, nice plasma cannon. What is this, nineteen eighty seve– *face blown off*
Chino Moreno connects with false Jesus in Hip pastor says Avatar is Satan:
Chino Moreno says: False Jesus connects with his tree by using his ponytail, not nails.
Moose predicts Gabourey Sidibe will lose weight:
Moose says: If she does lose a lot of weight, she’ll have so much excess skin that she’ll be able glide short distances like a flying squirrel.
Speaking of fat jokes… From MacGruber early review round up:
Johns Little Dick says: I hear Val Kilmer won his part in a pie eating contest.
Burnsy imagines the pitch meeting for Eat Pray Love:
Burnsy says: “Hello, Random House? Yes, I plan on writing a book about a trip I’m going to take with money you’re going to give me based on this idea… Well I am able to touch my penis to my anus, but I hardly see why that is of significance.”
Leave it to Chino Moreno to criticize a picture of Abe Lincoln holding a boombox:
Chino Moreno says: I think a funnier picture would be FDR with a Walkman.
Sometimes you have to understand a historical reference to get a joke about the disabled, and that is the FilmDrunk comments section in a nutshell.
Stinky Peet says: Abe Lincoln’s rap name was One Cent.
SmokeEmIfYaGotEm thinks Adrien Brody has come a long way. From Predators trailer:
White Guy: Whats the last thing you remember?
Adrien Brody: I was winning an Oscar and kissing Halle Berry.
*Everyone laughs hysterically*
Adrien Brody: I-I was! Stop laughing!! I was a critically acclaimed actor!!!
*Everyone laughs harder*
And, from Kick-Ass has a music video:
Jacktion! says: This song is so gay that whatever song knocks it out of the #1 spot is going to be charged with a hate crime.
Ha, it’s funny because he said that song is number one.