(“YOU CALL THAT SEX, YOU GODDAMNED TWINKLE-TOED PETER PUFFER?”)
In 1999 when he did Eyes Wide Shut, Stanley Kubrick hadn’t directed a movie since Full Metal Jacket 12 years earlier. Now Jacket drill sergeant R. Lee Ermey says Kubrick told him what he really felt about Eyes Wide Shut:
“Stanley called me about two weeks before he died,” Ermey told Radar Online. “We had a long conversation about Eyes Wide Shut [which opened five months later]. He told me it was a piece of sh-t and that he was disgusted with it and that the critics were going to have him for lunch [especially that fat f-ck Pete Hammond -Ed]. He said Cruise and Kidman had their way with him – exactly the words he used.”
Asked why Kubrick had allowed himself to be strong-armed by his stars, Ermey said, “He was kind of a shy little timid guy. He wasn’t real forceful. That’s why he didn’t appreciate working with big, high-powered actors. They would have their way with him, he would lose control and his movie would turn to sh-t.”
During the film’s production, Cruise and Kidman were full of praise for the director’s methods and claimed that the finished film was exactly as he would have wanted. [Guardian]
DOCTOR: The end is near, Mr. Kubrick. Any last words?
KUBRICK: *cough* *gurgle* *wheeze* Tom Cruise sucks! *the spirit leaves his body*
Yes, he was a great man. Reached for comment, Tom Cruise said, “I think we’re all just happy that Mr. Kubrick has gone to a better place. As long as there aren’t any gays up there.”