I watched the Blind Side over the weekend, and what I learned was that Michael Oher always sucked at football for at least three quarters of a game until his new white mom could trick him into thinking he was protecting his family. Because his test scores indicated he was in the 98th percentile in “protective instincts,” you see. It only follows that someone would try to recreate that magic. And the only obvious choice to bring a similarly heartwarming story to the world of basketball is… Danny Trejo. Wow, really? This sounds like a bad joke I would write.
Danny Trejo thinks he has found [the next Blind Side] in Utah Jazz player Paul Millsap and his uncle/sports agent DeAngelo Simmons. Trejo, star of Heat and the upcoming film Machete, has acquired rights to the player and agent. Trejo and his ITN partner Gil Medina are turning the story into Ambition, a film they’ll shoot later this year. Just as Simmons’ own jock dreams were ending, his sister moved back to Louisiana with four sons she needed to keep away from the streets. She asked Simmons to teach them basketball, and when Paul Millsap grew into a 6’8”, 250 pound rebounding machine, Simmons learned to become a sports agent and brokered a four-year, $32 million deal for his power forward nephew. Trejo met Simmons when the latter played a small role in Vengeance, an action film that Trejo starred in and financed. Trejo plans to self-finance Ambition. [Deadline]
Let this be a lesson to you, young athletes: always hire an uncle or cousin to be your business manager. How else are they going to break into the business without training or experience? As of yet, Trejo has no plans to star, but… a boy can dream. Dream of the kind of pep talks Danny Trejo the basketball mentor might provide:
Oye, ju lookeen soft out there, ése! Eet’s time to start playeen pinche prison rules like I chowed ju! Ju see that basket, homes? That basket ees jur heina’s culo now, cabrone. Ju gonna let some pendejo put sus huevos een jur heina’s culo? Not even, ése, not even. So get back out there, and pull up your pinche socks, jour legs are chowing a like a maricón. Mira, here, take my shank.