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Hollywood likes 3D, puts The Ring in it

By 04.27.10

2002′s The Ring was the rare remake of a successful Japanese film that was actually scary and good.  Three years later, the sequel took the winning concept of the first and turned into your basic Hollywood possessed-child story (SECRET DWARF HOOKER). It made about $80 million less than first, probably because this was an actual shot from the trailer:

OH MY GOD SOMEONE LEARNED THE WARP TOOL IN PHOTOSHOP!


Which brings us to today, when Paramount execs had a coke-fueled revelation: this rightfully dormant franchise could be raised from the dead and turned into Saw or Final Destination, where you just throw find some kids at the local water park, throw some fake blood at them, and make $20 million dollars.  Yadda yadda yadda “The Ring 3D.”

The third entry based on the Japanese horror movies is being called “Ring 3D.” David Loucka, who wrote the now-shooting thriller “Dream House” for Morgan Creek, has been tapped to pen the script.  The new film is being fashioned as more teen-centric than the first [doy], and though the logline is being kept under wraps, the aim is to reinvent the franchise. One potential scenario involves teens finding a VHS player that still works. [Heatvision]

No logline, eh?  Well I have an idea for how this could go down…

A group of fun-loving Paramount execs are vacationing in the woods, where the phat, supa-fly condo they thought they were renting turns out to be a spooky-old cabin that looks like it’s been abandoned for years.

EXEC 1: Whoa, dude, this place is hella old, there’s not even an XBox!

EXEC 2:  Dude, what are we gonna do here for two weeks?  I feel like Fred Flintstone.  Does this place even have a DVD player?

EXEC 3: *across the room, fingering the slot of an old TV/VCR combo* Check it out, bros, VHS.

EXECS 1 & 2: Gnarly!

EXEC 2:  Hey look, dudes, I found a tape!  *blows dust off of the cover* It’s ‘The Ring’!

EXEC 3: Well put it in, dude!

*he puts in the tape, they start to watch*

EXEC 1:  Hey.  Are you dudes thinking what I’m thinking?

TOGETHER:  WE SHOULD REMAKE THIS IN 3D!

*velociraptors attack*

Fin.


TAGSDAVID LOUCKAPARAMOUNTRING 3Dthe ringunnecessary sequels

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