So Disney made this movie, Secretariat, which tells the “impossible true story” of a copywriter who doesn’t care about the literal meaning of words of an unlikely racehorse with a quirky trainer, who helps save a struggling farm, and proves that women can own horses just as good as men can (no, really). Sample dialog from the trailer:
“SECRETARIAT IS NOT AFRAID AND NEITHER AM I.”
“THIS IS ABOUT LIFE BEING AHEAD OF YOU… AND YOU RUN AT IT.”
“OUR FATHER’S FARM HAS BEEN LOSING MONEY FOR YEARS. WE NEED A CERTAIN TOUCH, NOT A HOUSEWIFE.”
“YER CHANGIN’ THAT HORSE’S LAAHFE.”
“NOPE. THAT HORSE IS CHANGIN’ MAAHNE.”
Okay, so I made that last part up. This is not actually about Sandra Bullock teaching a horse to play football. That is the subject of another Disney movie, Air Bud 12: Hoof it to the Colisseum. This one is basically Seabiscuit 2. How to sell such a movie? Why, with a picture of John Malkovich looking like he’s about to bite into my face like an apple, of course. Dude spent a lot of time with horses during filming. Like, a lot of time.