Here’s some news that’ll knock your aqua socks off: Hollywood studios are planning remakes of Real Genius and House Party. Those four-eyed sissies at Pajiba report:
Columbia Pictures and Imagine Entertainment (oh, Ron Howard, how could you?) are developing a remake of Real Genius. Yes, that one. The Val Kilmer movie that everyone over the age of 30 loves. Except Communists and trash humpers [as someone who humps trash, this is false]. It’s about the youngest kid to be accepted into a program for geniuses who teams up with his roommates to develop a high-powered laser, which is stolen by the military and used as a weapon. But, of course, it was so much more than about that. In 1985 it was a satire. The second take on the script is now out to writers.
I’m picturing Predator drones and Taylor Lautner. But I say that about everything. Meanwhile, the even stupider idea is the remake of House Party, starring Kid and Play, the Ja Rule and Nick Cannon of 1990. Holy hell that is a terrible idea. There’s only one person in Hollywood fat, lazy, and stupid enough to want to do that, and I think we all know I’m talking about Brett Ratner.
Brett Ratner is producing the remake under the Rat Entertainment banner and the New Line shingle. Actually, this one is being referred to as a “reboot,” rather than a remake, although I think in this instance, it’s kind of the same thing.
The whole point of House Party was Kid and Play. Without Kid and Play, it’s just a movie about a party set inside a house. Who the hell is Ratner going to get to replace Kid and Play? And more importantly: Why? It was a terrible f*cking film. Also: a terrible premise.
Brett Ratner’s name has been attached to lots of projects in the last few years, but the closest he’s come to directing since 2007 was a segment of New York, I Love You. My guess is he’s going to do what he always does, which is hang around long enough to collect a paycheck and eat free food before someone with more than two brain cells to rub together gets involved and realizes this is the dumbest f*cking idea ever, on every level, and the Rat Man will go back to his busy life live tweeting Jonas Brothers concerts. Hey, I’ve got an idea: we just combine these two remakes into one by putting Brett Ratner in a house party, then blowing his fat ass up like popcorn with a space laser.