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Official: Oscar winner directing Snorkels the Vampire Fetus

By / 04.28.10

If you watched Kinsey or Dreamgirls or Gods and Monster (for which Bill Condon won an Oscar for best adapted screenplay), you probably thought, “Gee, that’s great, but where are the snorkeling vampires, the c-sections, the wolf-on-baby love affairs?”  Well you’re in luck, because Summit has officially announced that Condon will direct the final chapter in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, as translated from Stephenie Meyer’s original elementary schoolese.  How say you, press release?

“Bringing Stephenie Meyer’s ‘Breaking Dawn’ to the screen requires a graceful and intelligent hand and we believe Bill Condon is exactly the right steward, having shown equal and abundant talents of immense creativity and subtle sensitivity,” said Erik Feig, President of Production and Acquisitions, for Summit Entertainment.

Added author Stephenie Meyer, “I’m so thrilled that Bill wants to work with us. I think he’s going to be a great fit, and I’m excited to see what he does with the material.”

“I’m very excited to get the chance to bring the climax of this saga to life on-screen. As fans of the series know, this is a one-of-a-kind book – and we’re hoping to create an equally unique cinematic experience,” said Bill Condon.

Yes, it takes a certain grace and a subtle sensitivity (as opposed to my own brand of overbearing, ostentatious sensitivity) to bring to the big screen a book with such plot points as:

The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it’s in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. …In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his teeth.

Oh, let’s not forget the challenge of filming the baby itself:

The other challenge of course is Renesmee [Editor's Note: AHAHAHAHA!], Bella’s half-vampire, half-human daughter who is able to read, talk, run and hunt despite being a toddler. Producer Wyck Godfrey says “It’s certainly going to be visual effects in some capacity along with an actor. I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up being a full CG creation, but it also may be a human shot on a soundstage that then is used to shrink down.”

So basically, an Academy Award winner is directing the sparkly vampire version of Little Man.   How could that not be awesome?  I can’t wait to see how Kristen Stewart decides to play the scene in which her unborn vampire baby severs her spine.  Ten bucks says she plays it like really bad heartburn.  She’s such a subtly sensitive actress.


TAGSBILL CONDONBREAKING DAWNKEVIN FEIGESTEPHENIE MEYERTwilightTWILIGHT SAGA

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