[It wouldn't be a Channing Tatum story without commentary from C-Tates himself. Enjoy.]
Yo girl, check this sh*t out… Space. Da final frontier. Deez are the voyages of the C-Tate Enterthighs. Haha, AWWWWWWWW YEAH, YA BOI! C-TATES! Yo girl, I ain’t get yo hopes up makin’ you think I was goin’ all Star Trek on yo fine ass, right? Nah, I’m all up in the stank on dis new science friction dig called Ion, for real. It ain’t like dat Saturn yo moms drives neither, all breakin’ down when she’s drunk and sh*t. Yo girl, dis movie’s like the next Avatar, ya heard?
Check it, I play dis gettin’ ass-tronaut, and I’m like, Yo I loves this girl, but she’s all dyin’ and it’s whack cuz I wants to keep hittin’ the bootay, and she’ll probably be played by some skank trick like Blake Lively, and she’ll be all like, Yo C-Tate you such a good actor, why don’t you put it in my butt? And I’m all like, Yo girl, I’m for realz leadin’ man type now, proper. So I’m like jumpin’ ‘round dimensions and sh*t, hoppin’ from Earf to Earf, right? And I’m all up in some alien slizzies, deep impact you know this!
Yo Heat Vision Blog, prepare for re-entry wit yo exclusive ass:
The plot revolves around a man who travels to different Earths and dimensions in order to find his reincarnated lover. Execs are using the magic word — “Avatar” — to describe the scope and otherworldly elements of the script.
“Ion” actually made the rounds last year but didn’t take. In the post-“Avatar” Hollywood, however, the script is generating renewed interest. It attracted the interest of the Scott brothers, who helped develop the script further, which then brought in UTA/Management 360-repped Tatum, who could be one of Hollywood’s next leading men. The whole package raised the mercury even higher.
Yo girl, Ridley Scott’s all up on dis joint, and he just did that movie ‘bout the Hood, so you know he gots mad street cred. But yo, f*ck dat noise, son. You read that last line? I’m a leadin’ man now, boo. Ya boy C-Tate’s bigger than dem Will Smiff and John Malkobitch. And you know what did it all, girl? C-Tate’s package. They talkin’ ‘bout my d*ck, yo. I knew back in the crib, right, that I’d be a star, for real. A-list means I’mma get pay-list. Dolla dolla billz, son.
And yo girl, I heard dis movie’s gonna be in 3-D… DEEZ NUTS, BEEYOTCH! Haha, now let me tap dat ass. Respek.