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BEHOLD: The most asinine news story since the dawn of man

By / 06.17.10

Put on your Twilight helmets, folks, because it’s about to get stupid up in here.  (You have one of those, right?  I keep mine between my Bella Womb and RPattz panties).  So, there’s this actress, Emma Roberts.  She’s been in Hotel for Dogs, Nancy Drew, Spymate, and a bunch of other stuff we’ve never seen. She was a guest on Jay Leno the other night.  Jay Leno asked whether she was Team Edward or Team Jacob (because those are the only two choices), and she admitted that she’s “Team Jacob.”  This apparently caused such an uproar among the Twihards that the poor girl QUIT TWITTER.  FOREVER.  (*catches airborn tophat*)

Since telling Jay Leno she preferred the hunky werewolf to the brooding vampire on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show,” Roberts has been bombarded by nasty tweets from Pattinson’s fans.
They were so vicious, in fact, that the 19-year-old actress was forced delete her Twitter account, E! Online reports.
“Team Jacob? Ewwwwwwwww!!!!! >.<,” wrote one user, whose comment was mild compared to several others.
Before closing her account Wednesday night, Roberts tweeted, “Rob Pattinson is so nice! I was slightly disappointed his skin wasn’t glittering & the song ‘Wild Thing’ didn’t start when he shook my hand.”
Although some Twi-hards slammed Roberts for her “Tonight Show” proclamation, others are embarrassed by their fellow fans’ actions.
“Dear Emma Roberts, Sorry abt our fandom,” tweeted one “Twilight” lover. “Please know not all of us act that way. I didn’t agree w/ your Jay antics, but won’t cuss you out.” [NYDailyNews]

(*breathing into paper bag*)  Now, a couple things: one, Twitter is not like email.  It’s not like angry fans can fill up your inbox.  To hear what people are saying “to” you on Twitter, you basically have to Google yourself (the Twitter equivalent of that, anyway).  THROW AWAY MY INTERNET!  SOMEONE HAS MADE A DERISIVE EMOTICON!  More importantly, Jesus Christ, people.  I know the ocean’s fish are puking up oil, Iran is close to getting nukes, we’re still at war in Afghanistan, and American Idol is still on the air, but f*ck. Do we really have to go this far to distract ourselves?  That we need to write stories about how the star of Hotel for Dogs is quitting Twitter because people were angry over which sexy, fictional twink she preferred, a sparkling vampire or a sweaty werewolf?  This is the most asinine story not involving Spencer, Heidi, or the Kardashians in history.


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