Here’s another one of these faux-candid “viral” videos of Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise on the set of Knight and Day. It’s newsworthy only in the sense that 20th Century Fox has been sending these out, and I only post it because it confounds me in every way. Seriously, what in the f*ck is this? It’s so poorly conceived and executed and so pointless on every level that it might as well be one of those Mary Worth comic strips where two ladies stand in the backyard talking about stamps. The only thing I can figure is that they’re just making these to piss me off.
Let me see if I can identify what they were going for in this: you have an imaginary crew member, who for some reason was filming a fellow crew member while he puts a camera lens into a box. We’re to believe that this guy, who presumably works in the camera department of a big Hollywood film, can’t shoot video without turning his camera 90 degrees clockwise for no apparent reason. This person then captures, COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT, Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz playing soccer. And here’s the kicker (Get it? kicker? soccer? I hate my life), THEY’RE REALLY GOOD. Oh my gosh, people will say, I wasn’t planning on seeing this retarded hunk of sh*t movie BEFORE, but now that I know that CAMERON DIAZ AND TOM CRUISE ARE SURPRISINGLY GOOD AT SOCCER, I am powerless to resist such fascinating and candid Hollywood star power! THANK YOU, MY MOM’S FRIEND WHO SENDS OUT EMAIL CHAIN LETTERS, WHAT WOULD I EVER DO WITHOUT YOU????
BUT WHAT OF THE DANCING CGI BABIES?! I DEMAND THEM AT ONCE!! I REFUSE TO SEE THIS MOVIE FILM UNLESS IT INVOLVES ELF BOWLING AND BIG MOUTH BILLY BASS!! HOW WILL I KNOW YOUR MOVIE IS WORTHWHILE IF IT DOES NOT CAPITALIZE ON RECENT TRENDS??!! CALL THE WICHITA BRANCH! SET UP A BRAINSTORMING POWER POINT AT ONCE!