After a disastrous, eventually canceled production in 1999 (chronicled in the documentary Lost in La Mancha), Terry Gilliam was finally getting The Man Who Killed Don Quixote back on track this year, reportedly picking up Ewan MacGregor and Robert Duvall to star. Well tough sh*t for him, because now WB is making a Don Quixote movie of their own, probably with Channing Tatum doing parkour tricks off a windmill. (*sad vuvuzela*)
Finish my math homework, Pajiba:
Warner Brothers and producer Joel Silver (Sherlock Holmes, every blockbuster action pic in the 1980s) are fast-tracking a Don Quixote film as an eventual tentpole picture.
And yes: Their intention is clear. They’re going to muck up the original story completely. It’s being described as a Pirates of Caribbean-style swashbuckling version of a story in which we discover that Don Quixote isn’t crazy and that there is, in fact, a fantasy world. [...] This will be to Cervantes what Robert Downey’s Sherlock Holmes was to Arthur Conan Doyle. Big, brash, and kind of dumb. The pitch is out to writers now.
“Look, everyone knows Don Quixote charged a giant that turned out to be a windmill. What our movie presupposes is… maybe it didn’t?”
…And Nic Cage is there! He finds out he belongs to an ancient clan of knighted assassins! And follows an ancient treasure map that leads him to another dimension, where lives an evil queen that must be defeated! The world depends on it, but they all think he’s crazy! And he takes along his only friends, Sancho Panza, aka Michelle Rodriguez, an explosives expert, and Dulcinea Del Toboso, a hot chick with huge jugs and swords! CURVE THE LANCE! BODIES HIT FLOOR! ROCINANTE IS A CHEETAH! TICK TICK TICK… SLUTS! (fin).