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Can’t Win ‘Em All, Woman Dies From Watching Porno

By / 07.22.10

In the immortal words of Kenny Powers, it’s with much disbelief that I ask, “Sh*t, you can die from that?”. Apparently, watching a porno ranks somewhere up next to fighting terrorism on planet Earth’s danger chart. The UK’s Daily Mail recently ran an article featuring the timeless story of a beautiful young woman who died whilst masturbating to a porno flick. Oh don’t you worry, in respectable Daily Mail fashion, the article was sure to feature the woman’s full name, yet still manage to withhold the title of the porno that did her in. I’m guessing she must have been watching Eff Me To Death: Volume 3, but I could be wrong. It definitely may have been Volume 2.

A 30-year-old woman’s death as she used a sex toy while watching pornography was probably due to her state of sexual excitement, an inquest heard today. Children’s nanny Nichola Paginton was found dead in bed naked from the waist down last October with pornographic material running on her laptop. A sex toy was discovered next to her.

A Home Office pathologist told the inquest in Gloucester that Miss Paginton died from a sudden heart arrhythmia, probably brought on by her state of arousal.

‘After they [the neighbors-Ed.] broke in they realised Miss Paginton was dead,’ said Sgt Webb. ‘She had a computer on her lap and when they moved it and lifted the duvet, they found she was naked from the waist down and there was a vibrator in the bed.

‘The laptop was still displaying pornographic material.’

Talk about one hell of a way to go out, am I right? Man, hats off to whoever had to write up that eulogy. I’d just as soon manage BP Oil’s Facebook page than try to make sense of a world that kills people mid art film. This story hits especially close to home for me, as I myself was once involved in a near-fatal FAPPING incident. I was ten-years-old at the time and, for once, my parents allowed me stay up past nine o’clock so that I could watch a Gloria Estefan concert on the Disney Channel. At the time I wasn’t fully aware, but looking back I can definitely see the blatant danger in me having a two hour long erection without any Pedialyte. Really it kind of boils down to bad parenting, but what can I say? I survived through sheer perseverance and inner strength.

Special thanks to the Dailycontributor for the tip.

-Chodin


TAGSdaily mailDEATHGloria EstefanPORNOUKWhat A Way To Go

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