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Twi-tards are biting each other now

By 07.08.10

And now, from the you-probably-saw-this-coming files, it seems that Twilight kids have  taken to biting each other, and not just because they mistook their friends for delicious, delicious Twinkies.  Yes, this is probably just one of those ridiculous trend pieces, timed to take advantage of Twilight fever, but oh well, I’ll bite. ‘Bite,’ get it?  HIRE ME, NEWSPAPER ARTS DESK!

Teenagers inspired by the explosively popular vampire series, as well as shows like True Blood and the Vampire Diaries, are taking the fad one step further and exchanging real life ‘love bites.’
“It’s a way to belong to somebody and check their territory,” high school sophomore Pao Hernandez told CBS News.

Don’t you mean ‘mark’ your territory?  Oh right, you learned English from Stephenie Meyer.

Hernandez says couples at her school exchange blood with each other to prove their passion, and friends also give each other bites to demonstrate just how close they are.

Mmm, abstinence is so much sexier, especially when you still have to worry about STDS.  DANGER! VAMPIRES! CATS!

“This is kind of the modern day version of the hickey,” said CBS Medical Correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton.
“But we have to remember, any time there’s a break in the skin, especially when you’re talking about the human mouth, it’s loaded with bacteria…You can set up for potentially some serious skin infections.”
The trend has parents across the country panicked, and not just about the germs.

CUE THE ONE PARENT WHO HAS EVER HEARD OF THIS TREND!

“This really concerns me because it has to do with possession,” writes parenting blogger Vanessa Van Petten on her website [a lady we found through Google]. “We’re talking about something that’s about ownership, possessing your friends.”
Missy Wall, the Director of a Dallas outreach group for middle and high school students, says teenagers are using the bites as a new kind of status symbol.
“It becomes a contest of who has the bite mark and then that means somebody cares about you or you’re in a relationship or you’ve been chosen, which is very similar to the movies.” [Not to defend Twilight here, but isn't half the point that he DOESN'T bite her? -Ed.]
“Not only obviously are there physical consequences but psychosocial,” said Ashton. “This is a way of marking a person, and it is a form of emotional and physical abuse.”

Oh whatever.  When I was a kid, bite marks were a status symbol too, because if you had a lot, it usually meant the priest was going to buy you a bunch of cool toys.  What? Don’t hate the playa.

But Twilight hunk Robert Pattinson doesn’t see the harm in a little friendly biting.  In a 2009 appearance on David Letterman, the vampire hearthrob recounted how a 230-pound man requested he sink his teeth into him at a the movie premiere. [Good thing Letterman makes his audience members weigh in.]
“So I did,” Pattinson laughed. “And the surprising thing was I kinda liked it.” [NYDailyNews]

Ah yes, what would a lame trend piece be without a little casual gay-baiting at the end?  Kudos, NY Daily News, job well done.  I had a 230-pound man bite me once too, but I wouldn’t call it ‘fun.’  All I can remember is searching the floor for the top half of my ear and Mike Tyson telling me he was going to f*ck me until I loved him.


TAGSABSTINENCE PARABLESTwihardsTwilightVampires

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