If you’re wondering why I just cranked up my Soul Asylum record, it’s because they just released a trailer for Tony Scott’s Unstoppable, a film about a runaway train, never comin’ back; wrong way down a one-way track. You can watch it now, but after it’s over, we’ll need to put on flannel and discuss social issues. Denzel Washington and Star Trek‘s Chris Pine star as the interracial buddy cops train conductors, with Pine as the snot-nose rookie fresh out of the academy, and Washington as the grizzled veteran who’s too old for this sh*t. Suddenly a freight train loaded with chemical waste takes off down the tracks with no conductor, and as the beautifully big-breasted Rosario Dawson helpfully informs us, it’s like a missile the size of the Chrysler building, and it’s headed straight for the orphanage/puppy shelter. Basically, it’s like if Lethal Weapon, Die Hard with a Vengeance, and Speed got wasted and triple kissed at a frat party.
Verdict? Mehhhh. Tony Scott is pretty hit or miss. His last three movies were Domino, Deja Vu, and The Taking of Pelham 123, about as dismissive wank-worthy a group as you’ll find. Man on Fire was fun, but I can’t imagine watching Denzel Washington catch a train from behind with another train will be nearly as enjoyable as watching him shove a bomb up a guy’s ass and let it explode (call me old-fashioned). And as far as movies with the plots of mid-90s alt rock songs goes, I’d definitely rather see “Possum Kingdom.”