It was recently brought to my attention that Paramount’s VIP Fan Club auctions various items from hit movies on eBay. Among the items currently listed are Sienna Miller’s Gucci high heels from GI Joe, Alice Eve’s Marc Jacobs high heels from She’s Out of My League, and Michelle Williams’s dress and poncho from Shutter Island. But currently leading the bidding at $316.99 is the screen shirt and camo pants worn in GI Joe by none other than FilmDrunk favorite Channing Tatum. And with less than 4 days left to bid, my good friend C-Tates wanted to stop by and inspire the bidding process.
AWWWWWWWWWW YEAH!!! YA BOI C-TATES GOIN’ ONCE, GOIN’ TWICE, GOIN’… um… FREE TIMES, SON! Yo girl, check it – Now is yo chance, to buy C-Tate’s pants, just open them and enter, and you can save da rec center. Yo girl, that’s f*ckin’ poetry, son. Yeah, you knows you was all like, “Oh snap, dat C-Tates hella fine wit da kung fu grip on my pepperoni nip as Duke” and now you can buy da camo pants I was rockin’ in dat movie. Yo girl, you know I won dat Best Actor 4 GI Joe 4 realz, so deez pants is like legit flava gear, right?
But yo girl, we gots some serious heat comin’. My pants is like $316 right now, right? Dats like 6 months of Boost Mobile bills, yo. But dis cracka Jay Baruchel is all up in C-Tates’ grill like, “Yo C-Tates, you ain’t sh*t, son” and I’m like, “Yo beeyayeetch, ain’t no playa ever save a rec center in no hockey jersey, WHAT!” And he ain’t back down, for reals. His sh*t just chillin’ at $305, like it ain’t no thang. Mutha f*cka, ain’t no girl outta C-Tates league, too proper, too fine.
Yo girl, you need to call yo sister, and yo sister’s mama, and yo baby mama, and yo fine cousin wit dem coconut tittays and you needs to buy my mutha f*ckin gear, bitch. Else C-Tate ain’t throwin’ down no game. Like Diddy say, It’s all about the Benjamins, proper. Pray 4 Biggie, heard.