The above trailer featuring Michelle Rodriguez playing Citizen Jane in an action-film reimagining of Citizen Kane (“I’d do anything for my Rosebud”) has been making the rounds, along with this poster and tagline, “What would Xanadu?” The “film” even has an official site, which reads simply:
The 70th anniversary of the film that started it all
Citizen Jane stars Michelle Rodriguez as Charlotte Foster Jane, a lethal assassin hell bent on avenging the murder of her parents in this guns blazing, action packed retelling of Orson Welles [sic] 1941 classic, Citizen Kane. She will do anything for her Rosebud…
So what’s the story? Is Hollywood really remaking Citizen Kane to be more spicy and Latin? Is Rosebud Michelle Rodriguez’ clit? (sample dialog: “I don’t have time to queef,”). The short answer is… no.
Bleeding Cool says:
But what is this Citizen Jane? is it a real film? Is it a parody? Actually, I know exactly what it is.
Michelle Rodriguez has a small role in Aaron Burns’ coming of age comedy Blacktino. We know Burns is something to do with these Citizen Jane materials as /Film spotted that Burns’ name was hidden, as an anagram, on the film’s website. I’ve had an old casting call for Blacktino for a while now, and that is where the crucial clue is hidden.
CHARLOTTE – FEMALE – 20-30 – Any Ethnicity
Violet Vogue is a famous actress. She is classic Hollywood gorgeous. Athletic action heroine. She’s a character in a fake movie trailer.
(*sigh*) Okay, okay, I’ll bite, so what’s Blacktino?
Burns, a visual effects artist/supervisor who worked on Grindhouse, Planet Terror, and has a feature directorial debut on a dark comedy indie titled Blacktino. The $1 million film is about “an overweight half-black, half-hispanic nerd named Stefan Daily” who was “raised by his black grandmother in a medium sized suburb of Austin, TX.”
“Struggling to find his place in a mostly white high school, Stefan finds sanctuary among the eclectic mix of social outcasts in the school’s Theatre Department.”
The film features Rodriguez regulars Danny Trejo, Jeff Fahey and Daryl Sabara. [ /Film]
I really hope Trejo is playing the drama teacher. “Mira, gather round, putos. We guana play ‘Junique New Jork.’” I picture Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez playing the mirror game, trying to match each other’s tricks with the butterfly knife. You might also notice that none of the actors seem to fit the title character. My suggestion? That’s right, Bruce Greenwood.
UPDATE: I almost forgot that someone already made a modern Citizen Kane as a joke.
I want more like this!
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