Just when I thought this new Burlesque trailer had appealing to gay men down to a science — singin! Dancin! Drama! Cher! — boom, cinematic poison Cam Gigandet shows up. He spends most of the trailer wearing a bowler hat, like somebody went out to the forest and kidnapped the ugliest sloth they could find and forced him to play A Clockwork Orange. Anyway, if I can force myself to see beyond that hideously deformed river troll for a few seconds, and that means supressing my gag reflex, the plot is that Christina Aguilera comes to LA with just the clothes on her back and a dream, a dream that she would one day do softcore strip shows at one of those burlesque clubs that will be all the rage for the next six months. But then Cher is all, “You think any super pretty girl with blonde hair a big boobs can just barge in here and get up onstage and dance, just because she’s got a Grammy nominated voice? Please! This is burlesque! You wanna act like a bimbo you can take your ass back to Coyote Ugly! NOW LEMME SEE YOUR JAZZ HANDS! TEXAS?! ONLY STEERS AND QUEERS FROM TEXAS! NOW CHOKE YOURSELF! AAAHHHHHH!”
Or something like that. Anyway, musicals aren’t really my thing, but this one seems like it will be a lot better than Nine, mainly because it actually looks like a musical and not a perfume commercial.