“But none of these digital-cartoon characters reflect human experience; it’s essentially a bored game that only the brainwashed will buy into. Besides, Transformers 2 already explored the same plot to greater thrill and opulence.” [on Toy Story 3, obvi]
MORE OPULENCE OR GTFO!
“We’re meant to enjoy our susceptibility, not question it, as in Joe Dante’s more challenging Small Soldiers. Have shill-critics forgotten that movie? Do they mistake Toy Story 3’s opening day for 4th of July patriotism?”
SHTICKY SHILLS OF THE SHABBOCRATIC-SHILLOGARCHY SHALL SOON SUFFER THE STING OF MY SHAKESPEARIAN SHAITANISM! DEEEEEEZ NUTS.
“When Mattie sleeps in a mortuary, the story consecrates her existential stress (“I felt like Ezekiel in the valley of dry bones”), connecting cynicism to a spiritual, cultural foundation as in their half-satirical Yiddish prologue to A Serious Man.” [on True Grit, obvi]
“And in each scene, Sorkin’s approach to Zuckerberg’s conduct is unctuous with fake significance, letting the protagonist’s eminence excuse his reprehensible misbehavior.”
“It’s an attempt at glorifying a contemporary aristocracy-cumplutocracy through flattery of Zuckerberg and his ilk. Ironically, these are the same shameless tycoons Oliver Stone takes out with sniper precision in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (a title that also fits this Facebook legend).”
“The title ‘Kick-Ass’ enshrines a bully’s ethic. Though it is unpopular to say, this proves Tarantino’s contribution to Abu Ghraib mentality. Perhaps unconsciously, our post-9/11 sensibility seeks to justify vengeance while indoctrinating it. [...] From dykey-prison wet dream (“I told you she didn’t have a d*ck”) to TV-commercial parody to Thelma & Louise finale, ‘Telephone’ epitomizes the insanity of the contemporary pop mainstream.” [on why Lady Gaga's Telephone video is superior to Kick-Ass]
If critics and fanboys weren’t suckers for simplistic nihilism and high-pressure marketing, Afterlife would be universally acclaimed as a visionary feat, superior to Inception and Avatar on every level. [...] [Paul WS Anderson is] a clear-eyed visionary who expiates videogame cynicism, insisting on imaginative potential. When Alice is resurrected from her android state, it confirms Anderson’s ingenuity as a life force. [on Resident Evil: Afterlife]
BONUS! A-Dubz packed so many references to Jonah Hex and his lovers Neveldine and Taylor in this year’s reviews that I was able to create an entire extra page for just those quotes. Read on for those, my bourgeois brood of au-courant catamites (I speak specifically of Chodin).