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Comments of the YEAR

By / 12.27.10

Party Dog is about to make it rain all over 69 Cats. (*howls lyrics to "Cherry Pie"*)



This week’s comment of the week was tough to choose, as it always is when there’s a 100+ comment thread of Gary Busey facts.  But in the end, like Gary Busey, I had to go with my gut:

Donkey Hodey says: Gary Busey once had the same dream as Martin Luther King Jr., except when he woke up, his pillow was gone.

I couldn’t tell you what that even means, but every time I read it, I can’t stop giggling.  The even bigger news is, this week’s comment of the week will be competing with every other comment of the week in FilmDrunk’s first ever COMMENT OF THE YEAR honors.  Happening right here!  Right now!  I’ve sifted through damn near 52 comments and picked my 10 favorites.  That’s a lot of work for a blogger!  (*mops brow with wadded tissue, takes kleenex boxes off feet, puts feet on desk
But wait! Will this post be a slideshow??  YOU’RE G*DDAMN RIGHT THIS POST IS A SLIDESHOW!  Won’t you come with me, on a click-rate increasing journey of magic and wonder?

Not photoshopped. Seriously.



I couldn’t give “jennifer” full marks for her tirade against Avatar back in January, but she certainly deserves mention for being crazy.

jennifer says: The entire Movie/Entertainment industry is a well financed satanic psychological war operation being executed upon the public right before their eyes.
Just like all the other Illuminati controlled industry, the Movie/Entertainment industry is a tool designed to advance their agenda of a “New World Order” and the deceptions that come along with it.
In the satanic Illuminati occult dogma, the term “AVATAR” represents their coming Anti-christ, and is the Illuminati occult representation of Satan incarnate.

Very clever.  I’ve also heard not capitalizing the first letter of your name throws the New World Order decepticons off your trail long enough to line your hat with tin foil.

About the news of our boy C-Tates playing a colonial spy back in November, Lester Mayes Hayes said:

Lester Hayes Mayes says: Does that make him a powdered wigger?

Indeed it does.  And it sounds delicious.

Aww, baby's first cross burning



From Andrew the racist kid’s review of Marmaduke:

Crapbasket says: His review of Invictus was just him kicking a dog down a country road.

Sounds about right.  The kid should do more word-less reviews while he tries to kick that speech impediment.

It seems like only yesterday we found out Channing Tatum had been a male stripper.  In reality, it was in January. That’s when Burnsy really got a handle on his C-Tates character.

Burnsy says: Yo girl, keep your singles. Only Lincolns touch this monument.

It was really hard to choose just one C-Tates-ism.

"REEEER"



I think this originally had something to do with Marmaduke, but even without context, Oski’s imagined George Lopez-if-George-Lopez-was-a-cat monologue is a stunning effort:

Oski says:
*Low Rider by War plays*
MEOW-ORALE! Meow-wassup! Thank you!
You know you successful when you can get Mexicats on their hindlegs, ching-meow! Mexicats don’t stand on 2 legs for nothing. Shoot *lazy mex voice*”mira, my back paws are a-strain-ed.” You ever notice mexicats always pronounce the “ed”? What happened to Paco’s litter box? *lazy mex voice* “mira, he back-ed up into the wachine machine after too much cat nip.”
One thing about having my own show on ABC and being in movies like Marmaduke is I have more Whitecat fans. Their kittens love me…*overly white voice* “These are my kittens Dakota and Chad….” you ever notice the kinds of names Whitecats give their kittens? “Dakota y Chad..que es eso?” You see how they punish their kittens? “Dakota, I will not! I will not tolerate this behavior! I will count to 10 and then I will send you to your bed.” Shiiiit, Mexicats don’t mess around. My grandma would scratch the sh*t out of me. Grandma, please don’t scratch me! “You didn’t learn the last time I escratch-ed you, so I’m going to keep escratching you til you do.”

For me, it was the “Meow-orale” that did it.
From the Sword-Wielding Porn Star Gets Tazed Off a Cliff (which also made our list of 2010′s Most Insane News Stories):

Fekl’hr says: The Mighty Feklahr has watched these a couple times now, and He is pretty sure that on the way down Steven Driver yells, “There…can be…only one…f*ck…I mean…as…you…wiiiish….

That’s double movie reference points, plus a triple score for tying it into a story about a guy violently dying.  Nicely done.
Remember back in February, when Nick Nolte couldn’t find his bag?

Chareth Cutestory says:
[lid flies open]
Rip Torn: “Yes?”
Nolte: “Have you seen my satchel?”
Rip Torn: “Nope. *draws gun* But I’ll be taking that hat.”
Nolte: “Dag gum it, you ol’ huckleberry.”

I’d pay to see this Nolte/Torn reality show.
Back in September, when we found out how much money James Cameron actually made, I made some throwaway reference to him buying a gold helmet for his Komodo dragon.  Danger Guerrero took that to the next level:

Danger Guerrero says: “He also had it fitted with A/V jacks and mounted a 50 LCD computer screen to its back, saying ‘NOW you’re a Monitor lizard.’”

James Cameron is like the brilliant mad scientist version of Michael Bay.

Once upon a time (back in March, to be specific), George Lucas said he had an idea for Indiana Jones 5.

CROOOOW! says:
KALIMAH, KALIMAH!
*Lucas pulls a sandwich out of his fridge*

Best visual of any comment this year.  Would you believe I can’t find a single picture of George Lucas eating?  He must feed solely on the sadness of nerds.

Back in November, Baby Goose (Ryan Gosling) told us a crazy story about banging a frozen dead cat against a tree.

Donkey Hodey says: At the heart of things, what Gosling was really doing was playing the world’s simplest violin.

Really, not a ukulele?  Sounds to me more like the Canadian gong show.
And for our number one comment, back when Lindsay Lohan was making headlines for getting cast and then fired from the supposed biopic of Linda Lovelace that the director never had the rights to, Jacktion! summed up the situation with perfect simplicity:

Jacktion! says: I think Lindsay Lohan is playing Linda Lovelace in the porn remake of the Linda Lovelace biopic.

That one still makes me smile every time I read it.
Anyway, if you didn’t make the year’s top 10, don’t be upset, I probably wouldn’t have either.  Thanks for another year of making my comments section worth reading, FilmDrunkards.  You’re all a bunch of sick f*cks, and I can respect that.
Keep vannin‘.


TAGSBURNSYCHARETH CUTESTORYCOMMENTS OF THE WEEKCRAPBASKETCROOCROOOOWDANGER GUERRERODONKEY HODEYJACKTIONOSKIyear in review

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