Today’s awesome headline comes from MSNBC: “Jedi master jailed for beating.” What, that’s a crime now?
A Warminster man who was so high on a mixture of prescription pills and alcohol that he believed he was a “Star Wars” character when he viciously beat up his roommate was sentenced Tuesday to eight to 20 years in a state prison.
Jeez, I mean I’ve been so high on booze and pills that I’ve almost killed a guy before, but… wait, what were we talking about again?
Milan Marinkovic, 36, pleaded guilty before Bucks County Judge Albert Cepparulo in Doylestown to aggravated assault and related charges. He apologized for the attack, but said he didn’t remember it.
“I woke up in a holding cell at the police station,” he said.
Marinkovic was arrested on July 28, after a witness called police to the Madison Court apartments parking lot to report a fight. Officers found Marinkovic standing over Shawn Delp, 30, who was unconscious and covered with blood. The judge gasped while viewing photos of the victim’s wounds, calling it one of the worst beating cases he’d ever seen.
Marinkovic told police that he was Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi, and that he was on a mission to “kill all evil.” Officers noted that he appeared “highly intoxicated,” court records say.
A witness told police that the men were walking around the parking lot before Marinkovic attacked Delp, apparently for no reason. He choked him, punched and elbowed him in the face, then stomped on his head when he fell to the ground unconscious.
Police photos of Delp’s injuries showed his face completely covered in blood. He sustained bruises, broken teeth and cuts that required stitches. Delp told the judge he still suffers from headaches and other complications as a result of the beating.
Worst. Craigslist apartment share. Ever. Personally, I try to surround myself with drunk Jedis who use their powers only for slaying fatties. But at least he took responsibility for his actions and didn’t pull some stupid defense like saying the other guy shot first. (*rimshot*)