1) Grown Ups
I could write a book about my constant disappointment in Adam Sandler. Financially, he’s a genius. He preys on the weak with elementary humor and that translates to box office spoils. He’s also incredibly loyal, employing his closest friends when nobody else wants to. Luckily for him, he’s wealthy enough to do that without turning into MC Hammer. His fortune, though, comes as a result of our constant punishment. This time it was Grown Ups, the waterboarding and car battery to our testicles of comedy, and the absolute worst movie of the year.
I watched Grown Ups twice to make sure that it was as bad as I initially thought, and it is. It’s depressingly bad. I didn’t laugh once, mainly because the jokes were so obvious and poorly delivered in a fashion that comedy snobs like me have come to expect from David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James and Rob Schneider – the Four Horsemen of the Comedy Apocalypse. Like so many people, I grew up on Spade, Rock and Sandler and now I cringe at the mention of their names.
The plot is unapologetically formulaic – the only guy playing a character is Schneider, everyone else is playing himself, and they’re all terrible. There is no redeeming quality of this film other than the ending. And Sandler is aware of this the whole time, and he knows that people will keep paying $10 to watch him pee in a pool. Some of us watch with the hopes that we may laugh again like we did with Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. But either way we’ve already contributed to his next big piece of sh*t.