49-year-old cake maker Cathy Ward from Reading, England recently dropped 14 dress sizes, and to celebrate, got a 22-hour Twilight tattoo job covering her entire back. No word on what her cakes taste like, but that muffin top looks delicious. (Sorry).
She was desperate to get almost the whole cast of blood-sucking characters on her back because she claims they helped her lose five stone. [70 pounds]
Despite working in the cake department, she ditched calorie-laden foods in favour of getting stuck into the popular books and movies– and dropped 14 dress sizes in just six months. Mrs Ward said: ‘A friend of mine got me the first film on DVD because I was feeling low. Once I started I just couldn’t stop myself. I had to go out and buy all the books and films. I got hooked. It became my way of rewarding myself.’
Wait, so she used Twilight as a way to NOT eat junk food? Damn, you see a lady with a Twilight obsession and a framed picture of a cat in her house and think you have a stereotype all figured out…
She plans to save £2,000 more to spend another 12 hours under the needle as she eclipses her whole torso with the gothic tribute.
There are still a few bits to do. I am going to get my arms done before my 50th birthday in summer. I love Robert Pattinson. I want to tone up so I can get his character Edward Cullen on my stomach.’
You know, I think Jacob had that same strategy. (*crack of the bat, watches ‘obvious gay joke’ sail over the centerfield wall*)
Despite her obsession with heart-throb Robert Pattinson childless Mrs Ward has not got it in the neck from husband Francis, 52.
‘Francis thinks it is hilarious. He just laughs at me and lets me get on with it.’ Cathy, who has been married 18 years, hopes to meet the films’ stars in the flesh so she can flash her portraits with pride. [DailyMail]
‘Got it in the neck?’ What does that even mean? Be honest, you British people don’t even know what the hell you’re saying anymore, do you.
Oh, ‘the childless Mrs. Ward.’ I bet everyone calls her that.
[thanks to commenter Stone Soup for coining the term 'Fangsta']