(For additional comedy, turn on closed captioning. Stenographer must’ve been hammered.)
It seems like it was only last week that Ted Williams, the Golden-Voiced Hobo, shot to stardom thanks to a viral video. (*checks notes*) Ah, okay, it was last week (still got my instincts). But already the voice of Kraft Mac & Cheese (they’re the homelessest!) is heading to rehab after a fight with his daughter landed him at a police station. In the famous video that led to his fame, Williams had claimed to be sober for two years, but his daughter now says he’s been drinking a bottle of Grey Goose a night (ooh, Grey Goose, well lah di dah, your highness). Boy, who would’ve thought a guy with nine kids living on the street would have some demons, huh?
Ted Williams, 53, made the decision to enter a private rehabilitation facility after a discussion with Dr Phil McGraw about a physical altercation with one of his daughters, the show said in a statement. Williams and his family discussed that incident during a taping of “Dr. Phil” scheduled for broadcast on Thursday, the show said, and family members revealed Williams has been drinking daily. [Reuters]
Ugh, Dr. Phil. He must pay his guests a lot, because I’d sooner open up about my problems to the guy at the mall dressed like a cell phone.
“Shut the hell up and let me talk to your mother.” That, says Ted Williams, is how an argument with his daughter at the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel & Spa escalated and led to the pair being taken to a police station Monday night.
“When that was said out of my mouth, my daughter exploded, just erupted into this jump-up in-my-face type thing,” he told Entertainment Tonight. ‘Fists got to flyin’, none of which were mine,” he added, pointing to some long scratches on his face.
Williams’s daughter, whom Entertainment Tonight identified as Jemay Williams, tells a different story.
“He was like, (expletive) will you shut the (expletive) up. And I stand up out of my chair and I said, ‘Who are you talking to?’ He said, ‘You, you fat (expletive).’ When he said that, I just got angry. He has consumed at least a bottle of Grey Goose (vodka) a night. At least. That’s not including the Coronas he orders, that’s not including the Budweisers he orders, that’s not including the other alcohol, the wines. He drinks. Heavily.”
Williams, meanwhile, is accusing his daughter of wanting to cash in on his sudden fame. “Daddy’s not sober. I can prove it,” is how he sums up her daughter’s claims. “How, I have no idea because that’s not true. And, you know, just selling me out on this fame-and-fortune ticket. People in recovery, you know, we’re fragile. We’re very fragile.” [TheStar]
Well, I hope he gets better. And I’m no famous rehab doctor, but it seems to me like Daddy drinks because she cries.
I want more like this!
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