Originally, I was going to write a review of The Eagle, starring Channing Tatum and Jamie Bell, but there wasn’t much I could write that Lindy West didn’t already nail in her latest Frotcast appearance. I say latest because she’s appeared multiple times, unlike me and my pathetic one appearance. Bitter disdain for Italian movie bloggers aside, we at least have an update on Channing’s upcoming 21 Jump Street film, written by and starring Jonah Hill.
Channing apparently couldn’t stop gushing about Hill’s script at his recent press junket for the Eagle. According to Screen Junkies…
“I promise you, it will be the most insane ride that you will ever go on,” Tatum said at the press junket for his latest film, The Eagle. “It’s the most ridiculous script I’ve ever read in my entire life.”
“We’re going to go crazy on this movie and I hope that I can just keep up with the kid,” Tatum said.
Excuse me? There’s no way in h-e-double-stepping-canes that Channing Tatum said that. Obviously some jerk publicist took his comments and cleaned them up for the Man and the rest of corporate white America, but that ain’t the way that C-Tates plays the game, playboy. I used my C-Tates Decoder Ring that I got out of a bag of Apple Jacks to decipher what he actually said…
YEAH! IT’S YA BOI, C-TATES! Yo girl, I ain’t playin’, son. Dis Deuce-One Jump Sh*t is gonna be hella fly like a Burberry tie, feel me? Yo girl, dat fat ass Jonah Hill be all like, “Jokes and sh*t, C-Tates” and I’m all like, “Knock knock, son.” And some punk bitch be like, “Who dat?” And I’m all like, “CDs.” And bitch be like, “CDs who?” And I’m like, “C DEEZ NUTS, BEEYOTCH!” Haha, peace to Bob Marley, one love.