The other day, someone on Twitter wrote “FilmDrunk’s commenters are funnier than 75% of the sites on the internet.” While I can’t really take credit for that, I do feel obligated to reward you. Today I’ve got a shirt for the winner or a bunch of Riley Steele porn from Digital Playground (NSFW, obvi), whichever you prefer.
Winner: Stone Soup. He seemed particularly on fire this week.
[From January Jones says X-Men is Behind Schedule]
Stone Soup says: January Jones has told the Canadian press that Matthew Vaughn’s X-Men First Class is rushed and over schedule.
The interviewer responded “That’s great, mind if I put my mouth on your milk bags?”
[From Marlon Brando's Creepy Letter to a Stewardess from 1966]
Stone Soup says
come fuuk mee iv got cokee.
Congrats, Stone. Shirt or porn? The choice is yours. Meanwhile, his wasn’t the only contribution to the Marlon Brando-letter thread:
As I gazed over the back of my dentist’s chair I caught you gazing down my spit bib. It’s apparent that as a child you were breast fed by many women and hunger still for a Mother’s sweet milk. Could you hand me that phone to call the police?
Hmm, something about that smacks of autobiographicality…
Burnsy says: You trippin’, boo. C-Tates ain’t be flyin’ since he found out Soul Plane wasn’t real.
[Tumbles from cardboard box into gutter]
Here’s an excerpt from a note I dropped to a waitress down at world famous Trout’s bar in Oildale;
When you pass, the smell of your c*nt could gag a maggot. I want to bang that poo tooth right out of your face. Bring me a bag of almonds and I will know that you want to rail meth off my dick pustules.
Look, all I’m saying is, there’s a way to do extreme vulgarity, and Crapbasket has it down.
GlennBeckHasAIDS says: The Polish movie poster for every C-Tates movie is just the album cover for Vanilla Ice’s “To The Extreme”.
Dingus says: I’ll tell you this much about the Poles: they may not be able to read or write, or defend themselves, or understand the nuance of language, or swim, or clothe themselves properly, or solve simple mathematical equations, or maintain their dignity, or construct primitive dwellings, or make fire, or handle weaponry without maiming themselves, or raise their young, etc… but they certainly can make mildly perverted, extremely vague movie posters that do little to explain the plot. Fun fact: they’ve also learned to survive almost exclusively on a diet of turnips, sawgrass and vodka, even though a wide variety of foodstuffs are readily available to them.
Likewise, there’s a way to do racist/xenophobic comments. See above.
Stinky Peet says: I’d rather see Fast Five: Winnie the Pooh. “The wonderful thing about wiggers, is wiggers are wonderful things!”
Donkey Hodey: Most of the actors in this play won’t be able to tell you where French Lick is on a map, but they’ll be able to show you how to perform one.
And finally, from James Franco is Hansel, DangerGuerrero shows you why he works here now.
FRANCO: So I’m rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I’ll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize “Holy sh*t, James Franco, haven’t you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn’t some of this maybe be in your head?”
GARY BUSEY: And, butthorn?
JAMES FRANCO: And it wasn’t. I survived the fall, and have since climbed Mount Vesuvius on three additional occasions. Twice for a documentary I’m making titled A Dicknose Climbs Mount Vesuvius Twice, and once without cameras in a one-man, performance art piece I did, titled “The Dicknose Who Climbed Mount Vesuvius Twice Climbs It A Third Time Without Cameras Or An Audience. Because, Really, Isn’t Art Supposed To A Solitary Endeavor?” It was pretty eye-opening.
Thanks to all. Here’s to another week of time-wasting and immaturity.