The Nazis had 3D porn

Movies had always been two dimensional, until James Cameron and his lady hair came along and filmed blue cat monkeys tail screwing, and forever changed the game.  …OR DID HE??  According to a new report, the Nazis actually beat him to it 70 years ago, just as they beat Mel Gibson to hating Jews.  WHACKETY SCHMACKETY EASY JOKES. (*dodges oven*)

Films shot on 3D in pre-war Nazi German have been unearthed in Berlin’s Federal Archives.  Two 30 minute black and white propaganda films in 1936 were found by Australian director Phillipe Mora.

Mora discovered that the Nazis were decades ahead of Hollywood in developing a medium first popularized in the 1950s and now enjoying an international renaissance.

“The films are shot on 35mm — apparently with a prism in front of two lenses,” Mora said.  “They were made by an independent studio for Goebbels’ propaganda ministry and referred to as ‘raum film’ — or space film — which may be why no one ever realised since that they were 3D.”

Ah, but what exactly did those wacky Germans use their 3D technology to film?

One film, a musical set during a carnival entitled “So Real You Can Touch It” features close up shots of sizzling bratwurst on a barbeque.

ACH DU LIEBER!  Now zat’s vhat I call a hot schwanz!  (*dance from Sprockets*)

The other, “Six Girls Roll into Weekend” has what may be UFA studio starlets living it up.
“The quality of the films is fantastic. The Nazis were obsessed with recording everything and every single image was controlled — it was all part of how they gained control of the country and its people,” Mora said. [Variety]

Yeah yeah yeah, totalitarianism schoschmalischmarianism.  Tell me more about this starlet weekend.  For instance, did it involve… scissoring?  Haha, I love history.

My sources also tell me that German producers are already hard at work on a modern sequel, Six Girls Rolling in Scheisse.

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